This dream is part of a regular set of dreams about returning to my childhood living situation. The plot of these dreams varies quite a bit, but the constant is that I have to live once again under the roof and law of my abusive addictive parents. In this latest itteration I start to become aware of my adult life. It's not that I'm aware that I'm dreaming, rather as time passes I come to remember the events of my adult (and childhood) life more and more clearly. Sort of like an episode of Quantum Leap.

This dream begins in the little green courtyard, if you could call it that, of the Brittany Manor apartment complex - now known as The Boulders - outside of one of the many apartments that I lived in as a child. It's night and winter. What is peculiar is that even now I have the distinct impression that every aspect of the visual landscape of the dream is painfully accurate, and in sinc with on random day in my childhood. So like I said it's winter time, and probably just around the turning of 1988. I know this because I'm filled with the strange, but early levels of dread that I lived with as a child, once the abuse became more than just a couple of ass-whippin's here and there.

Outside there is a lot of snow on the ground and some of the local college kids are making various snow statues, having snowball fights, and generally being roudy. I was playing in that sort of uncontrollable little kid way of playing, just running around amusing myself, but after falling on the ground I got the impression that perhaps I was tired and I should go inside and get dinner. This is when I really began to feel as though I was not a kid anymore. I remembered that once, on a night like this I had looked up into one of the third floor windows and seen a naked man and woman kissing fiercely in their living room window. Just as I thought of it I looked up and was a little taken aback to see just such a site. Now this is really the only detail that I can't actually remember remembering at any other time.

I went up to the second floor apartment and inside my mother and father were high on something, probably coke and beer. I could hear my youngest brother crying in the crib that he was too old to be still spending time in. I remember this sort of thing happening all the time, but I never felt bothered by it before. I instantly began questioning my mother as to why she would leave "the baby" all alone when he was crying. I told her that she needed to show the baby that she loved him, and see what was wrong. My mother looked at me with the very sour look that she was so fond of using to demonstrate her displeasure. My father started threatening me, telling me to shut the hell up.

At this point memories began to flood my conscious mind. I attacked them both, calling out into the open their terrible drug habits, their lack of concern over the three boys. My father grabbed me by my armpits and held me against the door, one of the more violent ways that he used to handle me when I was still fairly small and prepubescent. I looked at him and told him of how all of his brothers and sisters would be dead in just a few years of drug over doses and diseases. I told him that he would end up having a stroke and losing us kids.

I suppose it was the very adult tone of my voice, and my rational speech during the confrontation with my parents that got my mother's attention, and caused my father to release me. At that point they began to talk to each other, but I tuned them out. Let me just say that every detail of the apartmen was perfect. From the phone, to the kitchen, to my father's drawings and posters on the wall, the carpet, the furniture, everything.

Finally my mother and father grilled me about some events that were going to happen, mostly sports, but since I never liked sports I couldn't give them the proof that they wanted. I don't remember what question they finally asked, but something I said got their attention, and proved to them that I wasn't lying. My dad asked me if I was sure, and I responded by saying I was "", and he gave me a puzzled look. Then I realised that the internet and the world wide web didn't exist as common household utilities or terms, and that 1200 baud modems were still waiting to be developed. I woke up laughing.

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