Dream Log: July 27, 2002

I haven't been logging / journalling dreams in 2-3 years, but this one was too weird.

I have had this dream before, in excruciating detail. Only now I am dreaming that I am going to watch a (horror-ish / Matrix-ish) movie with my kids. This brings on anxiety because they're too young (13/10) for this material.

It's like a war. I and 2-3 friends are in a long-running series of exchanges with something evil.

Scenarios, we are trying to evade / survive. At every new step we are confronted with some variant on a huge insect (these seem to actually be man-made drones which may contain small agents hostile too us.

A car which a moment ago was flying and is piloted by a friend, chased by the evil overturns and grinds to a halt, throwing sparks as the roof disintegrates. My friend cannot be alive, it's greusome, I worry for my kids, who are watching this movie that I seem to be in.

In a moment of relative calm I stop to have sex with a woman, again I worry that my kids are watching this movie. There is tension and the need for release in a dangerous situation.

'next' we discover that small dots have been planted and we are spied on and the enemy has known some of our moves for days - near panic, we continue to try to evade.

At one point one of these insects flies into the vehicle I'm escaping in. I know this is bad and try to hold it down to close the small & dangerous doors (against the steering wheel). but there are too many and the agents come out and bite (or something) and now vision is thru a purple haze

Shortly later there is another crash and then we are confronted with something large and evil beyond comprehension. Fear wells up and I'm trying to choose a course of action, and awake to ponder wtf this dream was sent to me for?

---

here an hour later, having checked my email and taken time to reflect and absorb .. it's 0600, I'm awake for an hour and would rather not have awaken unitl 8:30 becuase it's a day with commitments ... still, now the dream feels clear enough.

My life is complex, there's decisions daily about how to get to a simpler, less stressful place (and most choices affect my kids). We've been reading LOTR aloud, and just lastnight we stopped in the midst of "the choices of master Samwise". Hehe, I guess my choices look easier than his anyhow :-)

This is my first dream log. I usually forget my dreams too quickly to ever remember more than fragments, but this one which I had while falling asleep on my bed in the middle of the day was somehow special. I can't remember ever having felt so sad after a dream. Also, it's fairly well held together as a story, almost logical, which seems unusual to me.

---

I arrive at school, which is my regular university only the buildings are much older and seem more complex. On the lawn in front of my department there is some kind of exhibition involving old computers, I remember thinking about how committed those behind it must be because of all the work involved if it should start raining.

But I haven't got time to stick aroud with these old machines although I'd like to, I have a class. So I enter the building and take the stairs to the first floor. I'm on some kind of landing and I'm supposed to be the other side; i have to walk around. The way seems to be obstructed by a lot of people standing around, having coffe, talking. They appear to belong to the staff, althoug I don't recognse any of them from a distance.

I notice a person beside me. It's a man, perhaps forty, with reddish hair and a small moustache. He seems to be pushing a baby wagon, but I can't see if there's a baby in it. He's complaining to me that "they" haven't invited him over, indicating the crowd. He seems slightly bitter, but I feel sorry for him, so I talk to him and try to encourage him a little. But I have to keep moving.

I figure I'm going to try and force myself through the crowd, but while I was speaking to the guy somebody has folded out some kind of wall in front of them, blocking my way completely. I try to find out if there is any way of opening it, but as I'm fiddling around with it a janitor with a bucket appears, telling me that it can't be removed from this side, and that I'll have to use the stairs to get to the other side.

I'm in a hurry now, so I start walking quickly to the staircase. Just as I'm about to reach it, a girl in a parka or something rushes in front of me up the stairs. After a few steps she turns her head and smiles at me. I recognise her, it's someone I know slightly, L. I run after her; it's a game!

She keeps the distance though. The stairs are pretty high, and just before the head I misstep and almost fall. I stop to get my breath for a moment, and then I climb the rest. There I find L sitting on the floor in a corner, one or two strangers standing around her looking worried. They tell me she just collapsed there.

I kneel beside her and she grabs my hand with hers, which is very small but has a big red mitten on it. She looks at me and says that she's "had a lot to drink". I'm puzzled at first, is she drunk? But soon I realise that she's in a lot of pain. I remove her mitten and hold her hand for a while. Then she dies.

I'm leaving, ignoring my class, taking the back way out. Now it's cloudy outside and I have to climb some low walls to get to my bike. As I'm approaching it, the rain begins.

There was more before, but the part I remember, I was in a store. I was buying some stuff, including a laundry hamper for myself and one for my cousin's child, who is very young, probably around three years old. I almost didn't get her one, but then I noticed how cheap they were, so I bought two different kinds. Both were a hamper with an inner net, so you could put wet things in and the water that dripped out of them would be caught and held away from the clothes. I debated for a while which color for a while. After I had decided, my cousin (the mother of the girl I mentioned earlier) came up and talked to me. I thought about presenting the laundry hamper to her, but began to have doubts about the size of the hamper compared to the size of the child.

I went home, and when I got there it had snowed. We got laundry hampers to go out and ride the drifts. Somehow, although I had just brought home two new ones, I ended up with an old cracked one that belonged to the oldest of my two brothers. I stayed on the porch contemplating this with my youngest brother, while the older one went out to ride the drifts with his friend/roommate. After I while, I finally went out, but there was no snow anymore. I almost jumped at a big ball of snow, but when I got closer, it was a thin crust of snow over a big rock. So we went back to the house.

The older of my two brothers and I were at the fence of our yard (which hasn't existed for I don't know how long) when a bull calf that had gotten loose began to charge us. We kept jumping up on to the fence, but the bull would shimmy through a space in the fence to the other side. I don't know why it was that frightening with a bull small enough to slide through the fence, but it was still strong and intelligent and seemed bent on some malicious mauling. I don't remember whether we yelled for my father or not. I thought about trying to walk on the fence all the way to the closest point to the house and then making a run for it. I thought my brother should have been able to deal with it since he is usually able to deal with things that frighten me, like a dead toad in the washhouse.

No solution had been reached when I was awoken by my phone; it was my mother calling.