Dream Log: February 10, 2001

I am driving, by myself, in some small vehicle. I feel as if I am very close to the front of it, like there isn't much between me and the road. I'm being chased, but I don't think about that as much as worry about losing control, because I'm going so fast. What's worse, I never seem to slow, not even when turning.

I'm on this interstate highway for a long time, then I sense that whoever is chasing me is getting closer. So I decide to go off-road. Now, I am on a narrow path that has lot of holes and gaps, yet I somehow manage to jump over them or avoid them.

On and on this goes. Sometimes I'll get back on to the main road, other times I'll be going the wrong way on an entrance ramp, meanwhile my foot seems like it is stuck to the floorboard.

Then it ends. This is a reoccurring dream for me, sometimes I can see who is chasing me, sometimes not.

~My family was on the plane that took off first. As we flew over I could see the blackened crumpled smoldering ashes strewn across the tarmac that was left after it had crashed. Shocked into disbelief I knew the pilot would refuse my request to turn around and go back. There was nothing I could do.

~Locked in my room again I took apart the doorknob so I could see down the hallway. Tucked inside a hollow in the door were blameful thoughts on yellow paper, one part laid over the other as I unfolded it to read my life's list of past sins. The paper became watery in my hands as I tried to read.

I am spending the first night in bed with my new girlfriend when I have the following dream:

I am at a company picnic with my girlfriend. We are wandering through the crowd, when I see a an unfamiliar girl looking at me strangely. She starts to move towards me, but I move away, thinking that she must be looking for someone else. I lose her for about 30 seconds, but then one of my co-workers tells me that a girl is looking for me, and wants to talk to me. I don't see any way of getting around it, so B amd I go talk to her.

She is a plain-looking black girl, about 20 years old. She tells me that she is the sister of someone I met on the internet, that I later had phone sex with. Apparently, I dominated her sister over the phone. She has showed up at the picnic because she wants to make sure I am not going to do anything nasty to her sister in real-life. I am annoyed at this, because I barely remember the screen name of the girl she mentions, and all I can really recall is that we did talk on the phone. I can't remember anything kinky. Furthermore, it was over a year ago that this happened. I tell all of this to the girl, and even introduce my girlfriend to her, to let her know that I have no designs on her sister in real life. She gives us a long look, as though she doesn't believe me, and is wondering what kind of woman would be with a guy like me anyway, then walks off.

Later, I start hearing people saying things about me that aren't true. "He's hitting his girlfriend." "He's got a stack of rape magazines under his bed." "He can't get it up unless he's on amphetamines." I strongly suspect that it is this girl that is spreading nasty rumors about me. I even see a man handing out some sort of sheet of xeroxed paper, asking people if they feel comfortable that someone like me is living in their neighborhood. It's not until I see a copy of the poster on a telephone pole that I understand. The girl's sister has disappeared recently. No one has any idea what happened to her. The younger sister thinks that I have kidnapped and killed her.

Next morning, I tell B about my dream. She's amused to hear that I have had phone sex.

I'm dreaming in third person again, watching myself do everything from a safe distance, I cannot control myself because i am not myself, i'm seperate. I watch the paradoxical 'me' sitting on a bus talking to a boy, i know who this boy is, but have never spoken to him before. the conversation grows tense and the boy throws something at me, from very close and i close my hand around his, trying to crush it, and then punch him in the side of the head...
The boy and I are walking on a suburban road, but there are no houses, I look at his shirt, it is grey and in the corner in small blue writing it says "Norweigen **** Association" (I cannot recall the word in the middle so i put stars). He is not Norweigen and both he and I know this, so i resent and become angry with him again, and then i see just a close up of his face with an incredibly annoying expression on it, but then the black starts to close in and the dream finishes.