Dream Log: December 18, 2000

I woke up in the early hours of the morning, too restless from a night of dreams to go back to sleep. My husband was lying next to me, huge green pools of love blinking slowly on the pillow.

I woke up in the pre-dawn gloom, head heavy and eyes bleary from lack of sleep. It was clearly not light enough to be getting up. I had to get more sleep.

I woke up and was late for college. I fell out of bed and ran to the wardrobe to retrieve my bag and motorbike helmet. I found three. Another one was under the bed and two more, one with a visor dangling like a broken nail, in my backpack. Another one was in my handbag. Seven in all. I realised I had been taking on new helmets with every bike I'd been hiring and never giving them back.

When I finally did wake up this morning, I couldn't fucking believe it.

(For thy browsing pleasure: <-- Day --> | <-- Dream --> | Wolf's Dreamworld )

This morning's dreams (Or day's - I woke up at 2 o'clock...) Navigation stuff coming later.

OK, I had dragged my computer to Kuhmo with me, apparently, and set it up on kitchen table.

And X was apparently crashing again. I had started XMMS but I clicked on wmusic applet, and all I get was some sort of weird flickering on the screen - and the WindowMaker dock suddently had three copies of wmusic running there...

I tried to give shutdown command on one of the terminal windows, but every time I gave part of the command, the screen flashed and it didn't accept the output. Took some time until I got to the commands entered.

Then I noticed I could give the command through TinyFugue. /sys sudo cd /usr/src/linux; make; make reboot (I know, it sounds silly, but that's just what I did in the dream!)

The problem was, TinyFugue wanted all commands to be in UPPER CASE. I typed them in, but it always converted them on UPPER CASE, even in the command history. (This sounds like REXX...)

I went away and returned some time later. The machine had rebooted, and didn't respond. I rebooted it again. My father had installed a DVD drive on the machine while I was away (movie freak!) and it started playing the disk that was in the drive. It was "East (something)", starring Jet Li or some other rated eastern action hero, starting scenes at the US countryside. The program played German soundtrack.

I rebooted, and took the DVD disk off the drive so it wouldn't play automatically (the disk had a soft black plastic foam piece under it in the drive - I wondered how it played anyway) and it booted. I didn't see the GRUB menu, it just complained of "Bad Catcode" in settings file. Moments after that, I got a prompt:

nvi:~#

ls showed nothing, nor did ls /. I thought "Why nvi? I don't like that editor!" and had a lot of thoughts along the lines of "well, at least I have a recent backup of my data" before I woke up...

---

Analysis? Well...

• Lots of weird X crashes recently...
• ...also lots of hard reboots, and undescribably high fears of data loss.

I was Madonna.

And then at other times, I was myself. I played the role of two people in my dream.

I was in Carleton University for some reason and met up with my Love. We had discussed about meeting later on in the day to be together after all of our classes had finished. And then we parted with a long passionate kiss.

And then I was Madonna and held a small concert in a small open area of one of the buildings. Students had gathered around to watch me perform. At the time, it felt pretty weird yet good to have breasts and an outfit to make everyone in awe. I wasn't exactly sure what I was wearing - I think it was more along the lines of what she had worn in Like a Virgin video. As I finished my performance, I had noticed that there was this blonde girl in the audience. It was my Love. And for some reason, being Madonna had made me attracted to her instantly. We chatted for a little while and decided to hang out afterwards in one of the campus bars.

And then I was myself. I tried to find my Love in the hallways but could not. I searched everywhere for her until I saw her with Madonna. But I was also Madonna. At that instant, I had seen myself through my own eyes and as Madonna.

My positions between the two kept switching. At one point, I found myself kissing my Love. But it was at the moment when I was Madonna. Seeing this through my eyes as myself had made me overwhelmed with sadness. I had started to cry at the sight of her being with someone else. These weren't lesbians kissing. Something had happened between my Love and Madonna. There was a connection there I could not break. But it was my own connection. My Love had fallen in love with me. My own charisma (or was it Madonna's?) had defeated myself. I ended up crying some more and woke myself up in the process.

---

Confused by this dream? I was! But then I came to an analysis. This can be found in my day log.

I was one of the astronauts sent to a new planet, and during the long trip the crew had changed a lot.. Though some were scared of it at start, we had now accepted the fact that we had become werecreatures, and because we were the only sentient lifeforms stuck together withing lightyears, we had given up covering our fur anymore. The time of the landing was at hand, and what still remained of our working procedures made us get at least some clothes before stepping to the planet. Most of us wore nothing but shorts, and I remember a female werewolf next to me only combing her breast fur over her nipples before the landing started..

After the pod had landed, we stepped out to the new world. The climate was warm and the planet had vast jungles, but since the Earth and humans had been long forgotten, no one cared of the standard procedures, and just wandered around the pod, looking around and sniffing the new scents. I wandered further through the vegetation, untill I arrived to shore of a long pond. At the other side of it I saw a light brown desert fox on a sand of the beach, and I felt myself turning from were to full desert fox form myself. I felt great, and run around the pond to the beach, heading towards the other fox. I loved the feeling of sand under my paws and the lightness of my fast body, but I woke up into ugly reality where I'm a man in skin on this god-forsaken piece of rock..

Assorted dreams of late:

This is not so much a dream, per se, but more of a log of things I remember from dreams lately. For some reason, I'm forgetting the meat of each dream just prior to waking up. It's very frustrating, because inside each dream, I know they're very powerful and worth noding.

Oddly, that's one of the main elements in my dreams lately. In many dreams, I'll have a followup dream where I go through the actions of noding the previous dream. It's also rather frustrating.

I've been having lots of snippets from the X-Files. At one point, Scully and Mulder went back to visit a case that I knew something about, in another, I was Mulder and was solving some wierd shapeshifting case. But I can't remember enough details.

I've also been having a lot of dreams with my ex in them. This sucks.

Space... Classroom!: I think I was in high school again, doing some kind of science project (without the experiment part, so it was more of show and tell.) After searching the entire school, which was on an asteroid as far as I can tell, I couldn't find any tape to hold whatever it was on my bit of oak tag. I can't recall what my project was on, but I do remember pulling out a large wad of ribbons and medals at one point. Eventually, the teacher realized I was working alone, and tried to find a group for me. As that was happening, I noticed another asteroid coming towards us, so I ran. In what seemed to be a running joke, I couldn't find anywhere safe to be when the asteroid hit. The knife room gave way to the room with the whale tank, a room with huge chandeliers, etc. Eventually, I wound up outside. Meanwhile, back in the classroom, the asteroid hit. I think a bunch of people were killed, along with an alien that I think was also in the class. Well, as it turns out, when the alien dies, he explodes, killing lots more people. But here's the x-file - the alien was with me, also. So when he died and exploded, lots of people were upset with the copy of him that was with me, so we had to run and hide. Somewhere in there, he realized he was really dead, and melted.

I was writing an exam or a survey or application... I'm not sure what... It asked a lot of personal questions. I was given an award for my retirement from some company... but I still worked for that company... I pointed out that the last job I'd left was at a grocery store. Some of my cousins were there... a particularly gossipy and condescending one was making jokes about my last job being a squeegee kid. I mentioned to my cousins that the store was up for sale again but they already knew. The people presenting the award were in the back room straightening out the error. I went to the back and asked them not to bother re-presenting the award because I didn't want to draw anymore attention to myself. I already felt like a spectacle.

Drunk Driving

• I arrive at a friend's apartment. As I step out of my car, a girl I barely know (laius's former RA) stumbles out of the stairway staggering drunk. She tells me she's off to a friend's house down the street and would I help her to her car. I give her a hand and pass her a jug of Guiness that is sitting atop her car. It slips though, and falls upside down between her seats. She laughs and tells me not to worry as I slam her door shut and watch her swerve out of the parking lot.

• Driving down Highway 12, talking to Ly on my cell phone. I think I'm driving to pick her up. I remember driving back the other way but don't recall whether she was there in the passenger seat or not. See December 15, 2000 for the reality.