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Dream logs for April: 4th
We (my family) had bought some minature ornamental porcelain cannon
that were about 6-7 inches long. These cannons were not identical
as one was
in its chamber
region than the other. Also the well fed one
was distinctly more curvaceous
at its lip (the end of the barrel?) than it's
For some insane reason I wanted to fire these cannons. So I brought the two
cannons into the kitchen and placed one of the miniature cannon balls that
came with the set into the thinner of the two cannons. I pointed the cannon
diagonally so it would fire through the kitchen and out to the
The floor plan of the house in my dream nethack'd
The hobbit hits!
|.Living..| |Key: && = Fridge |
|. room ..| | ~ = Cannons |
|...........|------- | ' = proposed target |
|&&.........|##'|--| | // = Curtained doorway|
---//////----###|-<-- Staircase | ! = sink |
|...........+###|--| | @ = you are here |
|.Kitchen...|#<------ Hallway | h = hobbit |
Booyaa the Dreamer St:17 Dx:13 Co:18 In:9 Wi:10 Ch:8 Neutral
Dlvl:1 $:0 HP:16(16) Pw:2(2) AC:6 Exp:1
I lit the cannon's wick with a match and then waited for it to fire. The
wasn't anything spectacular
. So unspectacular that I fired it a
couple more times it and from what I recalled it seemed to hit the target
with alarming accuracy
. Grinning I called my friend Byron and told him
about the cannons.
Byron seemed very enthusiastic and wanted to see these "bad mommas in
action" (sounds like a bad pron film about pregnant women don't it?).
I told him the less plump one was a bit lame and I thought he could probably
stand in front of it and catch it's payload. Before I hung up on him I said
that I would like to test the "fat" one before I brought them over.
I had a gut feeling (aka Spidey Sense only without the black lightening
surrounding my head!) that the plump one was going to be more dangerous.
Therefore I had devised a simple game plan; I was going to light the cannon's
wick, run into the living room and shield myself behind the fridge. So as
I struck the match I was distracted by something Jo (my sister) said. *snap*
The match had broken. I cursed at how difficult lighting the cannon would
be with only half a match (why I didn't just get another one I'll never know).
So I lit the wick and after a short tussle with the curtains that blocked my
safe exit to the living room I finally took refuge behind the fridge.!
With my back pressed against the cold metal of the fridge I began to breath
heavily in anticipation for the explosions that would occur. I must have
waited for what seemed an eternity and began seriously doubt if it was ever
going to BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! My heart stopped! I began to shake
uncontrollably with fear as the explosions got progressively louder. Soon
everything around me was shaking and I began to wonder if the house was going
After what seemed an equal amount of time to that of the anticipation the
cacophony of war had finally come to a ceasefire. However I wasn't willing
to go back to the kitchen because I could still hear the wick sizzling. The
damn thing could go off again. Jo sticks her head around the fridge and says
the cannon has stopped already. Before I could stop her she heads off to the
I run after her and see that the cannon had landed in the sink. To make matters
worse it had now transformed into a personal coffee maker with steamer
(the one you use to froth the milk for a cappucino). The hissing sound I
had heard was the streamer releasing its steam. I threw some cold water over
the streamer and sure enough it stopped hissing. Jo showed her temporary
tattoos that she had got from the blast of the cannon.
I found this bizarre since I didn't think cannons behaved in this manner;
firing sharpnel yes, stamping tattoos no. Then I turned to face the wall
that adjoined the kitchen to the living room; the entire whole wall was full
of blancmange pink and blood red splatter marks. I thought to myself, "Shit
that's going to take forever to clean!"