dissociate (noun, dissociation): to separate or sunder that which is developing as a unity, or has become one, so that it becomes two or more unrelated or partially related entities. In mental life and its expression, these entities are experienced phenomenologically as trance states, alternative states of consciousness, fugue states, or multiple personalities.

Dictionary of Sexology Project: Main Index

  1. Once upon a time
  2. no wait, I think that
  3. really happened,
  4. except, maybe it
  5. didn't.
  6. Was I 
  7. there? 
  8. No, I was outside, 
  9. playing baseball on
  10. a grass green field. 

 

  1. But other people
  2. say I was there.
  3. My memory is
  4. above average, 
  5. was that two strikes,
  6. or another foul ball?
  7. Why are they foul
  8. poles instead of fair?
  9. Because life isn't princess. 
  10. Pink skin, swelling, welted, belted.

 

  1. Of course bad things
  2. have happened to me.
  3. Do you think I'm living 
  4. in a state of denial?
  5. Who can recall every
  6. detail? Am I hallucinating?
  7. Imagining blood on the floor?
  8. Blades and stains, I have both. Who
  9. would choose real razors over fake grass?     

 

  1. Where was I?
  2. Hmm, let me think,
  3. that's a good question.
  4. I can remember the sky,
  5. that part is clear.
  6. It was rapidly turning
  7. angry colors, warning me. 
  8. I was unsafe. I had to
  9. sprint 
  10. down the third base line. 

 

  1. Voices in my head
  2. are criticizing me,
  3. while the game unfolds.
  4. There's a runner at first, 
  5. inching away,
  6. the first base coach stands
  7. near the umpire, "Hey Blue!"
  8. the game freezes 
  9. when my reality intrudes. Dread. 
  10. Anxiety, until the game begins again.

 

  1. But I'm not worried.
  2. That game is always going.
  3. Nobody wins because
  4. nobody ever loses.
  5. Where is this game?
  6. Funny you should ask.
  7. I don't really know.
  8. It's right there, but
  9. nobody can see it,
  10. except, for me.

 

  1. Why would you do
  2. this to yourself?
  3. Escape to a place
  4. that doesn't really exist?
  5. What is real? Emerald blades,
  6. white chalk lines, metal spikes,
  7. digging into the dirt, 
  8. heading to second, third,
  9. almost home, a collision. 
  10. Fractured fibula? Stop crying.

 

  1. Three strikes and you're out,
  2. those are the rules of the game.
  3. But when your dad is chasing you
  4. and your mom is shrieking,
  5. telling you over and over again
  6. that you are just like your father,
  7. he's not the bad guy, you are,
  8. but she doesn't listen, doesn't 
  9. believe that I need a hug, it hurts,
  10. please stop, give me the game.

 

  1. Disassociation is an unhealthy
  2. coping mechanism. I learned
  3. this skill as a child, who was forced 
  4. to eat soap, she burned my ear,
  5. when it was infected. My dad 
  6. took me in, I drank the powders
  7. they gave me, the pain receded,
  8. only to bloom again when
  9. I least expected it. Please, I
  10. can't escape, where are the adults?

 

  1. This past Friday I fell asleep
  2. in my own bed, woke up when my
  3. daughter was shaking, I knew she
  4. was scared, she wouldn't tell me why.
  5. I heard pounding on the door, I sleep
  6. with my phone under my pillow,
  7. I set my alarm so I know when I can
  8. get out of bed, until then I stay. 
  9. Should I call 911? It's just my mom.
  10. Unfortunately for me, that's the problem. 

 

  1. The women at work don't understand
  2. why I like a guy who smokes
  3. But when I went in to figure out my phone
  4. situation he listened to me. Made me feel safe.
  5. That's the key to me. What is money without 
  6. health? Who can you run to when you're
  7. crying on the inside? Who will love you tenderly?
  8. Hold you, wipe your tears away, as if you were a baby,
  9. drive the demons away, so for once you can watch one game
  10. at a time knowing both runners will be safe once they are home. 

 

  1. This is a problem. I'm dealing with,
  2. living on borrowed time. Therapy,
  3. new clothes, write poetry,
  4. it helps, kind of, or does it?
  5. Am I just rehashing the past,
  6. Depriving my daughters of the
  7. mother they could have? One
  8. who is active and involved,
  9. that doesn't live her life
  10. one third of an inning at a time. 

 

  1. Take me out to the ballgame.
  2. Please. If you won't,
  3. someone else will.
  4. The guy who sleeps in loge seats,
  5. hundreds of dollars wasted on
  6. merchandise. Food, jerseys,
  7. hats. One says Jessica J.
  8. I bought a pink one for my work mom.
  9. Maybe one day we can go to a game,
  10. that everyone can see, together. 

Dis*so"ci*ate (?), v. t. [imp. & p. p. Dissociated; p. pr. & vb. n. Dissociating.] [L. dissociatus, p. p. of dissociare to dissociate; dis- + sociare to unite, associate, socius companion. See Social.]

To separate from fellowship or union; to disunite; to disjoin; as, to dissociate the particles of a concrete substance.

Before Wyclif's death in 1384, John of Gaunt had openly dissociated himself from the reformer. A. W. Ward.

 

© Webster 1913.

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