Improving balance and harmony between men and women who have entered into a committed relationship together has long been a subject of debate and heated argument. As pointed out by Amanda Thomas in her book, Life After Free Fall, one of the greatest problems confronting women in committed relationships in the 21st century is the assumption by her male partner that sexual relations are a kind of "right." According to Ms. Thomas, this leads not only to a kind of "assumption of booty" principle, as she calls it, but "lackadaisical performances by the man in the bedroom." Amanda Thomas wisely makes the connection between the "assumption of booty" and the man's lack of a need to "impress" his partner with anything approaching a top notch performance.
William Becker and John Donatti take Amanda Thomas' reasonings to another level and in a June 2006 article in Erstwhile Monthly Magazine introduce us to a lifestyle they expect will become the norm for men over the course of the next decade. In order to overcome lackluster performances by men who once strove to satisfy them sexually but now would rather "get it over with quickly" and do something else, William Becker's wife Glenda and John Donatti's live-in girlfriend Chelsea have worked together to create an interesting program. The article by Becker and Donatti goes into detail in regards to this wonderful program.
Before my wife and I began the program, I was often distracted during attempts at sexual relations. Everything was a distraction, from the television to the sounds of her feral cats getting antsy in their cages. Finally, Glenda pulled me aside and explained that she thought I was a wonderful husband, in most respects. She said I was caring, loving, considerate and a great provider. Then she told me something that would change our marriage, and our lives forever.
She knew a man named Steve who worked at the shop where we had our automobiles repaired. She told me that she had been secretly having an affair with him, but that the affair had merely been spurred by her need for sexual satisfaction, something I had not provided her since the first years of our marriage. Steve was always willing to work overtime to satisfy her, and even devoted an afternoon to teaching her how to perform oral sex upon a man, something she had never done with me. At first I was taken aback, but then I began to realize this was just what our marriage needed.
Glenda went on to explain that before we had gotten married, she had often been involved with "hunky" guys who were very exciting and prolific sexually, but who were not mentally, emotionally or financially able to give her the committed relationship she eventually found with me. The pieces came together and I realized she was right, she needed to continue to have sexual relations with hunky guys in order to satisfy those needs while I addressed her other needs.¹
Amanda Thomas explains that "There is a tremendous supply of men who are great in the sack but terrible with relationships, as well as a tremendous supply of men who are great in relationships and terrible in the sack. There is an extremely limited supply of men who are great at both. Women are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and realize combining the two is the answer."³
Becker and Donatti go on to explain how their separate but convergent stories led them to understand how the varied and significant needs of women are very difficult for a single man to meet. After meeting in an internet chat room, Becker and Donatti decided to meet for coffee and pastries at an upscale Seattle restaurant. There they would discuss their relationships and how they had both grown considerably as men in the months since they had both agreed to embrace their partner's need for a secondary partner who would fulfill their sexual needs. Soon after, they would get together in Portland, Oregon along with Becker's wife Glenda and Donatti's girlfriend Chelsea to discuss where they would take their relationships from there.
A lot of people, when they learn about the unique nature of my relationship with Chelsea begin to feel uncomfortable or argue that we do not have a healthy relationship. These people need to be educated in how much healthier our relationship has become as it has progressed in new and fulfilling directions-- for both of us! After the meeting in Portland, Chelsea and Glenda decided in unison that the next step in developing our relationships would be to severely restrict, or deny, Will and myself any and all access to their vaginas for any purpose. Will and me were, of course, delighted.
--From an interview with John Donatti on "Good Morning America"
Thomas Wabbe decided to write a book after extensive interviews with John Donatti, William Becker and six other men. All eight men had decided to chart a new course in their relationships with their wives and significant others. Wabbe found that Donatti and Becker had become increasingly happier, more productive and positive as their female partners slowly installed a program that instructed them in how they were expected to behave in their relationships. The first step was the acceptance and fair treatment of their wives and "hunky" lovers as an important and integral part of their relationship. The next step was a rigorous program of denial of vaginal privileges that at first could be overcome with a sufficient amount of begging and pleading. In each case, as the man's sexual performance did not noticeably improve, at least not to the level where it could in any way compare to the more manly lover with whom the woman's sexual needs were being met, the restrictions became more permanent. Later, the restrictions would be extended to include denial of access to the women's breasts and any other parts of the female body the men associated with "sexual play."
The improvement in these couples' relationships was immediate and highly noticeable. In the case of William Becker, the improvement in his behavior with his wife, Glenda, was impressive. Thanks to some home video they had made at various functions in the years prior to her denying him vaginal privileges, the comparison between the then and now was a shocking revelation. Where he was often sullen and ignorant of her needs in these films, he was now constantly at her beck and call, refilling her wine glass, and bringing her items from the buffet that was set up during the interview session without having to be asked twice. It was obvious how far their relationship had progressed and the potential for further improvement seemed to be limitless.²
In another part of Wabbe's exceptional text, Glenda Becker goes on to explain how important it is that rules for the kind of relationship she has with her husband Will be clearly stated, defined and followed. "Early on," she explains, "I was very lenient and let the rules go when I did not feel strongly inclined to enforce them. I learned the hard way that whenever I was lenient, Will would try to sneakily gain access to my goods as I went to sleep. He now has his own bedroom on account of multiple policy violations and we're better off for it."
Thomas Wabbe, who split with his wife and is currently in the midst of a divorce because of her reluctance to deny him her vagina, admits late in his text that he is jealous of the success Will Becker and John Donatti have had in their relationships. His bitterness over this tends to tarnish the last few chapters of his otherwise marvelous text, but up until that point, he paints a vivid and distinctive picture of the kind of relationship he says he expects to become the norm before the end of the current century.
Calling Will Becker a "paragon of progressive ideals," Wabbe dedicates several chapters to the development of his relationship with Glenda. Beginning with her first confession to him of needing to achieve sexual gratification elsewhere, Wabbe's dazzling storytelling takes us into her decision to deny him any and all access to her body, with the exceptions of giving her back rubs, massaging her feet and painting her toenails. Eventually, at Will's request, she begins bringing her "manly lovers" to the house. This is gratifying to Glenda in that she no longer has to skulk about in cheap motel rooms or grapple in the back of automobiles. For Will, the gratification was of a different kind, showing how far their relationship has grown:
At first I was concerned about where she was going with the manly men she would have sexual relations with. A part of me wanted to meet these men and show them that not only did I not harbor any resentment towards them, but that I was more than willing to cover the costs of an additional grinder for them when Glenda and I had sandwiches, and that they were more than welcome to drink my beer, indulge in my Scotch and smoke my cigars. When I cooked steaks on the grill, I gladly surrendered my steak to her lover and settled for just eating salad. I enjoyed meeting one of her men, Vinny, so much that I loaned him my golf clubs for a weekend. In return, they allowed me to watch them enjoying each other sexually, and I got to see what it was like for my wife to be satisfied sexually by a real man. Eventually I settled into the highly enjoyable role of buying condoms for their nights together and when I did my chores to Glenda's satisfaction, I was allowed to lubricate him before he penetrated her.²
Wabbe's epilogue concludes with a final, follow-up visit to the eight couples he intensively interviewed and spent time with during the writing of his book. He states that on July 1, 2006, Will Becker bought Glenda a $15,000 diamond bracelet for their 10th wedding anniversary and took her and two of her favorite men out to dinner to celebrate. John Donatti and his girlfriend remain together and their relationship is stronger and healthier than ever, with Donatti bragging at length about the excitement involved in wearing a variety of "costumes" and performing tap dance routines in front of his girlfriend and her lovers before they adjourn to the bedroom. "I took five years of tap dance and never really had any use for it until now. I'm delighted." Glenda Becker celebrated the 10th anniversary of her marriage to Will in a way foreign to most married women. "I tried double penetration with two men while Will watched and helped calm me down. It was wonderful, and the girls at the office are envious as all get out." Chelsea Rodgers, John Donatti's girlfriend, reported in September of 2006 that John has finally asked her to marry him now that she is pregnant by one of her lovers. "He wants to do the right thing and be a father and bring the child up right. That's why I love him. He is dedicated and true." The tentative date for their marriage is February 10, 2007.
¹ Becker, Wm. and Donatti, J. "Your Man in the 21st Century," Erstwhile Monthy Magazine, June 2006
² Wabbe, T. "Restrictions and Forward Motion," Crest Press, 2005
³ Thomas, A. "Life After Free Fall," Reservations Free Press, 2006
Goodwin, H. "Denial of Vaginal Privileges: I Agree," Ladies' Home Journal, August, 2006