The result of a recipe whose end result can be likened to soufflé
that has fallen in on itself.
You are hastily jolted from your setting by yourself and by others as a final measure to save yourself. It’s killing one Siamese twin to save the other: your parents are glad you’re alive, but sadness throws her veil over these feelings all the same.
You return to the womb that once comforted you but now wants to suck you in like a star imploding into a black hole and you stand on the event horizon.
You want to fade away slowly and forget your favorite mistakes, and you wither from the vine of your friends, a grape rotting on the ground.
You pick yourself up and force yourself like a donkey being pushed up a hill to do something and do it. You start pulling your own weight, even though you left your brain behind. You keep your struggles to yourself, a locked diary. You just can’t throw away the key; it’s quite annoying.
He’s still there, every night when you retreat to your room after your brother teases you and your sister is out with her boyfriend. You try to write and you want to believe you’ll receive a reply no matter how many times you’re told yourself to give up, within and without. You let others unwittingly eat you like carrion feeders. You want to be there with him, with all of them, but sometimes being thousands of miles away is easier than being a few blocks away.
Want and act seek divorce papers despite great efforts. You realize just what mediocre means, and how lucky you are to have been in a place where that didn’t exist. You lie in bed with him as he visits his girlfriend states away from you. He lies far away, so far. You don’t give up the land your great-grandfather sold and get arrested for trespassing. Everyone’s moving away. You know it, so sure that even they can’t prove you wrong. Dig deep; you’ll never hit Golgotha.
You lie to yourself when they want you to see your light. You stand in the sand trap of your past and the snake above you are the pet peeves you let burrow like nits and hookworms. You know the answer, but refuse to admit it.
Find yourself: looking leads to completion.
Know yourself: just because you don’t know the theory doesn’t mean you can’t try the application.
Look to others: finding peace within involves learning from the world without.
Trust: you need a foundation because there is a different sort of gravity that supports us emotionally.
And for Murphy’s sake, do it for yourself if not for anyone else; If I am not for myself, who is for me?