Heavy metal band from Sweden. They have five members, of which two (Danny Rexon and Joel Cirera) are the "core" and the rest rotate in and out. They have been around since 2002 and have released seven albums (Loud Minority, New Religion, Riot Avenue, Crazy Lixx, Ruff Justice, Forever Wild, Street Lethal) since then. They are a band for whom the 1980s never ended.

And That's A Good Thing!

Let's be frank. Despite what most headbangers will tell you, they all secretly liked hair metal or glam metal. Every single permanently boozed up thrasher or grim and frostbittten True Norwegian Black Metal enthusiast or chin-stroking Opeth and Dream Theater progressive type all secretly could be found doing air guitar leaps off of furniture to Warrant or Motley Crue or King Kobra or suchlike. They'll never admit it, because that would make them look like posers, but they were. I, however, am not like those poor souls. I am not in denial. I am willing to admit that glam had some fucking top drawer songs and the concept of an endless golden sunset populated by wearers Lycra, leather, and lace (and that was just the men) had its appeal. A place where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, as the song has it.

(I mean, cut me some slack here. I grew up in High Wycombe.)

So this is basically what Crazy Lixx are all about. Awesome headbanging, hair-splitting riff-driven stompy anthems that bring back the decade when it was acceptable to put on your girlfriend's underwear and shake your dick at a predominantly male audience. And they do it absolutely straight as well. They don't have the knowing, nudge-nudge wink-wink "this is all a joke really" attitude of Steel Panther who are predominantly a parody act. They do it unironically and just play excellent heavy metal. Given that I am kind of a superfan when it comes to music that makes you bang the head that doesn't bang, I was surprised that I missed them until around 2019 or so. But I've made up for lost time, oh yes. I think it was "Girls Of The 80s" that was my first song by them I heard. Someone had uploaded a super-edit of loads of videos by 1980s glam metal women performers to Rexon, Cirera, & co.'s guitar attack. So you could admire Lee Aaron and Girlschool and Doro Pesch and Lita Ford and Pat Benatar and Vixen gyrating to the Lixx. This then got me onto their 2017 album "Ruff Justice," a musical tribute to that particular brand of 1980s horror like Friday the 13th and Fright Night and Chopping Mall. And then onto 2019's "Forever Wild," which is kind of a bit more based on 80s action flicks, and then later onto 2021's "Street Lethal" which is genuinely the best heavy metal album of that year and which could best be described as ten back to back Rocky montage songs, and its soloing certainly strikes first, strikes hard, and with no mercy. The video to "Rise Above" has one part where three of the band to back to back guitar soloing all together and it's awesome rather than bathetic. While the final track "Thief in the Night" is made of win in every way.

But why are you reading this when you could be experiencing them for yourself? Here's some of their songs that I recommend as being pretty much what the band are all about.

  • All Looks, No Hooks - The song is named after what the opposite of the band's philosophy is.
  • Girls Of The 80s - "Because ya walk and ya talk like a woman should. Girl I never ever seen you look so good!" I may not have been really old enough to remember it but I do have a thing for 80s women. Hnnnnng.
  • XIII - Pronounced "ecks triple eye" by the way. It's about Friday the 13th, the film that is. You know, the one where a guy in a hockey mask murders a load of teenagers for excessive horniness at a summer camp.
  • Shot With A Needle of Love - Ahhh, we've all been there.
  • Yesterday's Face - About the "walk of shame" home after having been out all night getting hammered. And what. Who are you to judge, hm? Seems to oddly enough reuse the opening bar of the theme from Hollyoaks oddly enough. This one's really sleazy sounding but in the best possible way.
  • Never Die (Forever Wild) - Self explanatory.
  • Rise Above - A Rocky Montage that never was. This is good for getting your lifting on up the gym.
  • The Power - "All your life, they told you it can't be done, and in return they try to hold you back and kick it down. But you know that second place means you're just the first in a loooong line of loserrrrs. And no one's gonna remember the ones that quit the race! So do what you must! The future's YOURS! YOU HAVE THAT CHOICE!"
  • Thief in the Night - Strangely subdued and in F minor which is unusual for a glam metal band, but it has a certain obliqueness that makes it incredibly memorable. Also really nice riffs. It's also over 7 minutes long.

I would go on, but I've just put Forever Wild on my Sharp VZ-2000 (yes, for the record, Crazy Lixx's videos have a sufficient quantity of classic boomboxes in them but not, to date, that one) and I think I should take my own advice and experience it for myself rather than talk about it. Regrettably, I have not seem them live though. I was contemplating getting tickets for their tour in the autumn of 2021 but at the time I couldn't be sure that the UK government wouldn't shit the bed over the Chinese Batclap and thrust us back into lockdown and leave me having a ding dong with the promoter to get my money back, so I passed it up. More fool me, I'm told they're ace live. Plenty of bangovers and big tiddy goth gfs too, I bet.

(IRON NODER 2023 #5)

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