It began one dark night in a frenzy of fear and fur.
Cow of Doom speaks not of this unholy event, but even as the wheel creaks incessantly in the night, we know, we know the truth, much as the habitrail of karma leads ever onward to the true enlightenment.
This much is known: All other tales of this travesty of natural order are fales, rendered so by the many spurious investigators won over to the dark side by the infamous satanic cuteness of the enemy.
Know this, oh unbeliever! Their chittering persecution of anally punctuated disorder is foul beyond all belief, unless you're a personal witness of the MST3K Gamera Sunday, in which case you have our pity. But the rest of you mortals, live in dread and fear, the wheel turns, it turns!!!
The orange fir, the buck teeth, the tiny turds... such nightmarish pishoges of filthy dynastic imagery come not but once a century, and we have seen them! But none such as the most brave Cow of Doom have faced them down, and lived!
If such may be called a life. Call now to make donations to the Get Cow of Doom a Life Fund. Operators are standing by.
Remember, the Squeaking hamster gets the wheel.