Some fun stuff from our friends at the weekly world news. :P
Is Your Computer Possesed[sic] by a Demon?
-- Your computer
may be possessed
by a demon, a leading minister
"While the Computer Age
has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro
, author of an upcoming
book, The Devil in the Machine
are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken
to a human being
. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives
to accommodate Satan
or his pals.
"Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit
," the minister confirmed
moJoe: Satan v6.66, faster, better and only takes up 30k of disk space, thats LESS than back orafice, and he's freeware under GNU license!
The Savannah clergyman
says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers
"I learned that many members of my congregation
became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers
," he said. "Decent, happily married
family men were drawn irresistibly
websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations
moJoe: Because it takes a demon to make men look at porn... It must be great to be a christian when your wife catches you looking at kiddie pr0n, "The devil made me do it! I was possessed!"
who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms
and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally.
"One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over
moJoe: It's called a pathetic sex life lady, get over it.
The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer
himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence
program fired up
-- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked
me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God
is a damn liar
moJoe: Lots of AI programs floating around out there... :P Heh, he probably opened IRC..hahah
Then the device went haywire
and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook
"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities
written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect
moJoe: Them nasty mouthed Mesopotamians, "Your cow is frail like a starved chicken!" or "The fruit you harvest is not yet ripe you unripe fruit picker!"
Since, then, Rev. Peasboro
has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming
"I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings
like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs
," he said. "I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence
The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit
moJoe: I wonder if Nortons is working on this...
Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman
or, if the computer is still under warranty
, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians
can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software
, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently
moJoe: I can see it now, "Evil's reign of terror over? Microsoft bug kills Satan while possessing PC"