Heroes are the bane of any evil overlord’s existence. These annoying do-gooders insist on bringing down evil empires. They fall into three categories:

Super powered
And Non-human

They can now be divided into sub categories for dealing with them. These are as follows:

Super Powered

Superman (and other Kryptons)
One of the most annoying do-gooders is superman. He can basically stop you by lifting your base, volcano and all up and chucking it into the sun. He is completely indestructible, he can fly faster than bullets, catch bullets, breath ice wind and has x-ray vision along with laser-eyes. He also has one weakness. Kryptonite. Not to be confused with Krypton, this glowing green element can be found scattered around the globe in tiny fragments. Make one into a bullet and shot him with that and it will kill him. I suggest you build up a large cache of kryptonite weapons. Note, once you have killed him, dismember him, melt him and cremate him. He has a tendency not to die.

Spiderman and Marvel Action Heroes
As a rule these can be killed by fairly conventional methods. Melting them, shooting them and generally hurting them as you would a normal human all work fine, you just have to do it a lot more. Note, never, ever, merely imprison them. They will ALWAYS escape.


James Bond
British super spy, also known as 007 (double-o-seven). He is licensed to kill and has a lot of luck. He is also irresistible to women. He drinks and smokes too much, but seems none the worse for it, he also seems to have the ability to keep himself young by changing his entire body and aspects of his personality occasionally. He is not, however, infallible, and as long as you do not merely imprison him, but kill him on sight, he should pose only a small threat. His replacement 008 is probably less adept.

The Scooby Gang
The talking Great Dane and his early twenties friends. They specialise in oddballs in masks, not super-villains. In fact, the best way to avoid them would be simply not to dress up as some monster/ghost/vampire in order to achieve your aims.

Children in Small Groups
Examples include: The the famous five and the Secret Seven. One tip on avoiding these brats is to stay away from areas where public school children might holiday. If this isn’t possible then you should distract them with lashings of ginger-beer then shoot them. It would be embarrassing to lose because of a load of school kids.

Batman, Robin and Batgirl
Usually not seen outside of Gotham City, they are human, however they are able to perform incredible acrobatic feats, and have the use of very cool looking weapons and vehicles. The easiest way to kill him is to capture Robin and Batgirl (should be easy enough), kill them, arrange stand-ins, then convince Batman to trade his life for theirs, he will do this because, “it is morally right”.


These small blue things with no adjectives die when you step on them. Any competent evil-dooer without a cat should be able to squish them easily enough. Just don’t imprison them and try to eat them.

These inhabitants of Middle-Earth die by conventional means, but unfortunately tend to have a huge, medieval, army. Luckily this army is vulnerable to machine gun fire, one gun could probably take them all out... ok, ok, Cyan de Funk dissagrees with me and says that a Foreign Legion Stop-point, with legionaires and machine guns would be better.

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