Cliff Yablonski

Cliff Yablonski is an angst-ridden old man who lives in Appleton, a city in some state which is probably down south in the US of A. He hates everybody and everything except for Law and Order. From what I've gathered, he has archives of pictures of people from his neighborhood (be they white trash, "goths", or ravers) on his website, along with interesting little captions for each expressing his extreme distaste for them. The website kind of makes you wonder how someone could hate so much. But then again, viewing the site leads to an easy deduction.

Oh yes, the URL... it's "www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou". If it's got a mullet, a Pabst, or multicolored hair, it'll be denigrated there.

He's really lowtax, of course.

Cliff Yablonski is also the star of the (soon-to-be) hit game Cliff Yablonski: Freedom Fighter.

In the introduction cutscene, Cliff finds himself dazed and drunk on his kitchen floor, garbage and debris strewn about. "It must have been those goddamn nazi russian korean vietnamese commie slugshits!", he exclaims in a dialog window with fonts and punctuation reminiscent of All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

With any luck, our hero Cliff will mercilessly pummel the goths, hicks, and gay furries of Appleton, 'till the pummelin' they can't takes no more.

(Alpha screenshots available at http://www.somethingawful.com/plan/)


(and the following, the full intro, is courtesy of someone completely different:)


"WHAT IN THE BLAZING FUCK...? MY HEAD, WHO SHOT ME IN THE HEAD?"

"IT MUST HAVE BEEN THOSE GODDAMN NAZI RUSSIAN KOREANVIETNAMESE COMMIE SLUGSHITS!",
"AND THEY BROKE MY FUCKING KITCHEN LIGHT TOO! THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD MUST BE INFESTED!"

"I GOTTA GET MY SHOTGUN AND TAKE CARE OF THIS RED FUCKIN' MENACE! AMERICA WILL WIN AGAIN!"
He gets up and runs off.

Malebranch: I have to disagree. I am 98.9943% sure that Cliff Yablonski is from the locale of none other than that of Appleton, Wisconsin, smack in the heart of the U.S. of A. There is no place on earth outside of Wisconsin where you could this many screwed up people all in one geographical distribution. Including the entirety of New York, in all her glory. And I'm stuck across the river from these primitive screwheads.

:edit: Dang. anotherone says re Cliff Yablonski: "I just asked Lowtax, East Appleton is not based on any real city." There goes another reason to lambast 'sconnies for being from Wisconsin... :/edit: