I have found the above writeup on Chuck Norris severely lacking. There are many important facts about Mr. Norris that toblix has neglected to point out. Most of us knew that Chuck Norris is a badass but it's amazing the level of badassedness that he has achieved when you consider the following evidence:
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes KILLING: This subtle turn of terminology says a lot about our Mr. Norris and his aptitude and attitude with a weapon. Given this fact, it is extremely important that you take any attempt to mess with Chuck under extreme advisement. Apparently he doesn't need to spend any time seeking you out, no matter where you are he somehow knows where you are and the time it takes to get to you and kill you is only the time it takes him to travel. So, basically, what this boils down to is, if you ever mess with him it is a classic case of "You can run, but you can't hide."
This could also mean that he just goes out and kills indiscriminately.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Apparently Chuck's badassedness gives him a supernatural ability to actually scare books to give him information so he doesn't have to actually go through the process of reading them. This is extremely fascinating because one wonders what his abilities could be as an interrogator. Perhaps he should go to work in Guantonamo for the U.S. government.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Just exactly how he's able to shrug the need for REM sleep is a medical mystery worthy of further study. I submit that he seriously needs to be studied by sleep scientists.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. This anatomical anomaly is surely one feature of Chuck Norris that people take the most notice of. How he can walk down the street without people staring is a wonder. But maybe not, given his badassery that all these facts I'm bringing to light are illustrating. Still, I find it quite odd that this deformity has not been noticed before. It definitely has its advantages though, besides the obvious one of enhancing Chuck's overall ability to pound his enemies into oblivion. Who here has wished, when carrying the groceries from the car to the house, that you had an extra hand? Of course, Chuck Norris probably doesn't need to worry about ever having to carry his own groceries. All he has to do is show the bagger at the store his extra fist and he or she will carry them all the way to his house. This could be an explanation for his attitude. Maybe they made fun of him for this deformity back in school. But this is mere speculation.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. Perhaps there should be a CIA World Factbook node on Chuck Norris. Apparently he is a chief exporter of a product, something usually only in the domain of nations. I have not been able to find data on exactly what countries import Chuck Norris' pain, though, or what it would be used for.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Repeated attempts to find a photograph of this alleged ice cream truck have turned up nothing. But if Mr. Norris did drive an ice cream truck, I think we can all agree that it probably would be covered in skulls.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Apparently whenever Mr. Norris is not walking he is killing. This probably relates to the first fact I've listed here. Also related to the first fact, it's probably not a good idea to call him a two-speeder.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If Chuck Norris was born in March of 1940 and the Great Wall of China was built between the 5th century BC and the 17th century, initially this may seem impossible. But since this is a fact, the assumptions we can make here are either, a)They somehow predicted Chuck Norris' birth in the 20th century and he has since easily scaled it or b)When time travel technology is developed, Chuck Norris will go back into time before it is built. I have made repeated attempts to contact officials at the Great Wall about this fact but as of writing this node my calls have not been returned.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. When this fact came out, I'm sure it caused quite a stir in both the scientific and religious communities. I must say it shook me up quite a bit. So much science and so many disciplines in science are all built with the theory of evolution as a foundation. Now we find out that natural selection is actually quite unnatural? All up to the whims of Chuck Norris?
The ultra religious folks might have been pleased at first. After all finally the book is closed on evolution. But they have to be just fuming that it wasn't up to God, but up to Mr. Norris, which creatures exist and which don't. I wouldn't be surprised if they all have begun conspiring to burn him at the stake or something. But we all know what would happen if they tried to do that. May God have mercy on the souls in that lynch mob.
Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up. I guess when somebody asks Mr. Norris "Got milk?" we all know what his answer is.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER. Given all these other enlightening facts, this isn't very surprising.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond. I wonder if he hates Chris?
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was: if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it. There must be a massive conspiracy at work here, considering the fact that we've all been told that Einstein's theory had to do with E=MC². But I suppose the theory is still impressive. It must have something to do with quantum physics, or perhaps even string theory, to explain how your relatives will feel Mr. Norris kicking you.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Talk about hard labor! One wonders if he had a good relationship with his mother after that.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Apparently the US military should definitely look into hiring him. If they could send him to Iraq that insurgency would come to a grinding halt.
Chuck Norris had a testicle counting contest with Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris won by five. I wonder how many Lance has. The abnormal amount of testicles that Mr. Norris has could explain many of these other facts.
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts. I just find this one highly amusing. I'm surprised that it wasn't mentioned that flames also shoot out of his ass.
Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself. This, however, is not so impressive. As a matter of fact, it's kind of disgusting. No matter how much ass you kick, why would you want to stick something cold up your own buttocks?
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life. Ah, finally, a heart-warming fact. There is a sweet side to Mr. Norris after all.
There are many more interesting and little-known facts about Chuck Norris out there on the internet (personally I don't know what I'd do without it). These are just the ones that I found the most interesting. It is a shame that none of these are addressed on Wikipedia or haven't been addressed on here before. Maybe I should add these there, too. It looks like I have more work to do, just like Chuck Norris.
Andrew Aguecheek says: re Chuck Norris: You appear to have missed the very well known fact that Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, but Chuck Norris never cries.
One Angry Monkey says: re Chuck Norris: you forgot to mention that Chuck Norris doesn't need a god to part the red sea, he just steps in and the water gets the f#$k out of the way.