I haven't slept in two days. This is what happens at 5 a.m. to someone like me... It'll be hit or miss with most of you, but I don't really give a shit about its reputation as long as a few of you appreciate them. In any case...
Jesus Christ who?
Jesus Christ...Lord and Savior...died for all your sins...son of God...ring
No, sorry. Look, I don't want your stupid Amway
Jim?Who are you talking to?
No one, honey
. Go back to bed.
Ben Folds who?
Ben Folds my laundry after i'm done doing laundry.
What are you doing here, Ben Folds?
Nothing. What are you doing here?
I live here
. Where else would I be?
Courtney Cox who?
No, I meant Nikki Cox, not Courtney Cox. I'm sorry.
Oh, you still look a lot like Courtney Cox, though. Weird
Yeah, it is weird. I get that a lot, actually.
God...the creator of the universe, duh.
No. Haha. It's me, Jim.
Kirstie Alley who?
Kirstie alley had a coat hanger abortion in the alley.
Oh you, again. Come in.
... Annie, get the fucking door
get the door.
Fuck you, get the door, dammit.
Leave us alone. We don't want to join
Jody Foster who?
Jody Foster parents always treated her as an outsider and never considered
her a real part of the family, causing her severe psychological damage.
Heather Graham who?
Heather graham cracker
Wow, I didn't see that one coming
You didn't see what one coming?
Lisa Kudrow who?
Lisa Kudrow really fast on her college's rowing team.
Really? I used to row on my college's team, too.
Wow, that's cool. I didn't know that.
Winona ryder truck filled with high-grade explosives intended to be used
in a horrific act of domestic terrorism.
That's a long name.
Well you know what they say about girls with long names, don't you?
Tara Reid who?
Tara Reid more books cause you're not very intelligent.
Ok. Thanks for the tip
Brooke Shields who?
Brooke shields herself from the brutal reality that is her life by
finding solace in meaningless material goods and the never-ending pursuit
of more and more wealth. But, little does she know, all the beachside condominiums
and all-night fuck-for-all's cannot ease the ever-growing pain she feels
at the end of each pointless and purposeless day, a pain that will never
be satisfied by her decadence, a pain that will remain until the day she
Tori Spelling who?
That's my name. Tori Spelling. There's no more to it.
Why are you here?
My dad said there was an audition for Teenkids, a new teenage drama
on Fox in which teens go to high school and endure various hardships and
learn life lessons and whatnot.
Hmmm... I'm sorry, you must have the wrong address.
Are you sure? Is this 1212 King Dr.?
Yes, but this is New York
. You want 1212 King Dr. in Los Angeles
Oh you're right. Thanks. Sorry.
No problem. Good luck
Tim Allen who?
Tim Allen, the guy from Home Improvement.
Oh hey, Tim. What's up?
Can i mow your lawn or clean up around the house or anything? I just
Umm... I'm not sure, Tim. Lemme ask the Mrs. and see if anything needs doing.
Yeah, you can mow our lawn if you'd like.
Stephen Dorff who?
Stephen Dorff Goes Fishing.
Hey, are you related to Stephen Dorf Goes Auto Racing
Yep, that's me.
Hugh Grant who?
Hugh Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Tom Hanks who?
Tom Hanks for being such a good friend, man. You've always been there
for me when I needed you.
Don't mention it, dude. That's what best buds
Bruce Willis who?
Bruce Willis be enough for a tip, do you think?
I don't know. Is it %15
Well yeah, but I think he did an excellent job. I think we should give
him a little more.
Well, I did wait for a while for that refill
on my Coke
. And he gave
me a snotty look when I asked for no onions
That's true. But still...Let's give him an extra buck.
Yeah, you're right. Good call
Elijah Wood who?
Elijah Wood you mind giving me a hand moving this couch real quick?