A member of the Status Quo Maintenance League of Nations. Joining forces with Captains Libya and Confederate States, they fought such dangerous and subversive foes as Democrator, The Egalitarian, the Gun Control Lobby* and their arch-nemesis, The Guy Next Door Who Says They're Stupid And Should Just Go And Do Something Constructive.

Their adventures were chronicled in The Adventures of the Status Quo Maintenance League, an independently published comic which ran from July of 1955 in the US and selected Spanish-speaking nations.

The comic was discontinued in 1976 due to legislation against targetting tobacco advertisements at children: each issue came with a free Extra-Light Kid-Size Super-Cig, which promised that one in every thousand would bestow super powers on the smoker, with a small cursory warning that children should give them to their parents, and that only very grown-up, popular and cool people should smoke.

Until that point, though, it had a loyal following: not amongst children, as they could tell when they were being manipulated, but amongst junkies who had realised that the free cigarettes were heavily laced with cocaine and amphetamines and spent their days buying up whole shipments of comics, extracting the narcotics from the cigarettes, smoking what they needed to get them through the day and selling the rest on at vastly inflated prices to their contacts.

It could be asked how it was cost-effective for tobacco companies to give away free cocaine with a 50ยข comic.
The answer is simply that they bought directly from the source, applied for a permit to import for pharmaceutical purposes, tax free, and brought bands of braindead hobos into their factories to operate the largely automatic manufacturing machinery in exchange for food.
The laced cigarettes were never discovered in the comic's investigation: the publisher wished to avoid a scandal and withdrew the comic without complaint, neatly sidestepping lengthy and revealing probes into corporate conduct.

After The Adventures Of The Status Quo Maintenance League was shut down, it became necessary to find another venture to increase world knowledge of the tasty goodness of tobacco.
This came in the form of the programme, run in China and South Africa, known as "Drag For Victory!". In the two countries, quantity of rations and white privileges respectively were dictated solely by consumption of tobacco, until the UN stepped in and were forced to assassinate key personnel.

This was the beginning of a chain of events which triggered a worldwide war over public smoking laws which annihilated half of the world's population and resources. When the thousands of disparate forces were exhausted, a treaty was signed in 1979 that no person alive at the time would ever speak of the war or the events leading to it again on pain of death. It was signed by the entire surviving population of the earth and was afterwards incinerated to protect those responsible.

I am only able to write this because of a loophole which states that if the events are presented as a work of fiction, thus diminishing the credibility of any who can claim that the events really happened before they are silenced, the author will not be killed but only rapped painfully on the crown of the head with a tablespoon.

* The Gun Control Lobby was an antechamber. Accidentally given life in an explosion of superdense boronium in issue #0026, Right To Bear Arms, it went on to make convincing and level-headed arguments for the safety of all citizens before Captain Libya discovered its only weak point (attack), and destroyed it utterly, except for the single piece that inexplicably survived and was taken by Doktor Pinko, later to become the source of all his power as Pinkor, Strange Man Who Is Pink in #0155, The Pink Awakens.

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