Author's Note: This is a professional, scholarly article so if you are looking for light reading I suggest you try a different node. Thank you.
In 2003 I was hired as a fully tenured professor of ethics at a university in the Greater Baltimore Area. There I helped many blooming conservatives learn about the value and meaning of ethics until 2009 when an investigation by Kenyan strongman Barack Obama's brownshirts got me suspended for an indefinite period of time. Since I had other business dealings going on, such as Civil War Action Figures, LLC and my sale of heavily discounted junk bonds down at the Maryland shore, I took it in stride, but recently thanks to the wise leadership of President Donald Trump I was reinstated in my teaching gig and started back to giving my well respected lectures on Monday.
Even as the results are pouring in as far as President Trump's accomplishments (and they are legion), the university president came to my office at the university on Tuesday and told me that I would need to write a scholarly paper on the subject of ethics. Apparently they had no record of my formal education (I've had none since the equivalent of 8th grade in Germany in the post-war years) and no record of any scholarly papers I'd written (I've never before written one). So, apparently they had found a loophole in my hiring contract as a fully tenured professor of ethics which stated that I was required to have an advanced degree and have published scholarly papers in order to be given this job.
Taking a look at current events, and given that America has become great again there wasn't much negative to report on, although the more I looked the more I realized the mental disease known as liberalism was still affecting too many of our citizens. The sooner those citizens could be turned around and brought on board to President Trump's kind of thinking the better off we'd be as Americans.
I decided to take my ethics question to a doctor at one of the Greater Baltimore Area's hospitals, which I won't name because it is a shithole and I am not in the business of promoting shitholes. This doctor who agreed to talk to me after a dozen other doctors had walked away from my questions was not even a real doctor, he was a pratictioner of the voodoo arts of psychiatry, but I needed data for my scholarly paper so I went to his office with him.
"I understand you've been asking our doctors a lot of questions," he said after I sat down and he handed me a glass of somewhat discolored water that appeared to have very small bits of meat in it. I knew he was trying to "dose me" (as the kids of today say) and so when he wasn't looking I slowly poured the water into a plant a then told him I was full. He then asked what I wanted to know about and I repeated my question about whether or not medical science could cure liberalism if the right amount of research was done in the right areas.
"We know nothing for sure, but when it comes to something like cancer, for example, I like to believe that someday medical science could cure cancer."
"Liberalism is a lot like cancer," I reasoned quite reasonably, "except that it affects the brain rather than the boobs."
"There are different kinds of cancer," lied the doctor, to which I said nothing and instead looked around the room.
"About fifteen years ago I had a friend named Trent Sugarbaker and he liked pie a lot. He ended up barricading himself in his apartment eating pizza and cake until he exploded, all because when he went outside people didn't tell him to lose weight. They told him that he was brave for coming outside and being who he was. That is the disease of liberalism and it needs to be stopped."
He found my conclusions reasonable, as they were. Then I told him about something I'd seen on social media (a recent phenomenon) which showed two photographs. One was of a properly dressed woman in portrait style taken in the 1920s. The other was a recent "selfie" (another new phenomenon traced to liberalism) of a young woman wearing just bra and panties and obviously drunk and on pills. The caption simply said "I found an old picture of my grandmother." The point was made. Liberalism was destroying our memories as well as our lives.
It is easy to see that liberalism must be eliminated, but what about the ethics of curing it with medical science? That is the question of my scholarly paper. To understand the ethics, however, we must go to the history of liberalism and understand that the reason America rose to such prominence of the world was that it rejected liberalism until the 1960s while all of Europe was under the cold, bony embrace of liberalism through the late 1930s and 1940s. So, why was liberalism able to make such inroads in the 1960s after almost thirty years of keeping the beast at bay?
One of the problems was that after World War II the United States gave back the territory it had conquered in Europe to the liberal folk who represented the Europeans, and in return many of these liberal folk came to America and spread their lies and hatred. By the late 1960s we were fully under its shadow, as evidenced by people having sex with multiple people at the same time and drugs. It wasn't until brave President Richard M. Nixon came to power and put an end to it, bringing in the wonders of the 1970s, by appealing to the silent majority of conservatives in the country to come together in a time of need. And with his leadership we were able to keep liberalism at bay until the 1990s when a slick, chicken finger eating goon named Bill Clinton was elected by a liberal coalition.
So, what went wrong and is it ethical to use medical science to cure liberalism in adults and children? There was a lack of controlling triggers for the American population, for one thing, and so when a person turned to liberalism people said it was their right under the First Amendment, but this saw liberalism as just a way of thinking and talking and not as the disease it really is. Can it be medically treated? If so, would it be ethical to do so? This is the question I ask in my scholarly paper.
Answering that question is not as easy as asking it, that is for certain. When you ask a question you are putting words into a form in which they can be understood as a question and properly state your question in a way that invites the possibility of answers. Is it ethical to cure liberalism with medical science? I put forth that it does not matter unless we can first determine whether or not medical science has the ability to cure liberalism.
I was absolutely delighted recently to see the news of a liberal passenger being beaten and forcibly removed from a United Airlines flight. Good on them! There needs to be more of this, as well as more of the same on buses, trains and subways. Can't afford your own car and need public transportation? Be prepared to be beaten to within an inch of your life on a daily basis until you register as a Republican and start walking the walk and talking the talk. Let us see how many days in the hospital you and your fellow libtards can really handle, shall we? Wait until they take you to a hospital room with fifty or sixty liberals piled up on the floor, about three-quarters of them dead already, and being informed that you will now receive "exceedingly poor care." Go ahead. Try to protest. I dare you.
A lot of times people have different thoughts which comes to them at different times during the day. A lot of times these thoughts won't be the same as some of the thoughts they had before. In fact, they will be different thoughts. We should think about that when approaching the problem of liberalism in America.
At one time liberals hid, knowing that the right thing was for everyone to agree and to go along with whatever the president said, and we knew and understood that when Nixon was president. No one ever questioned or backtalked that man. Not by a long shot, but then the vise we had around your skinny liberal necks started to loosen. We conservatives allowed it to happen and that led to the disastrous Bill Clinton presidency (not my president).
Here we are, having come so far, having the wise and steady leadership of Donald Trump, and Clinton's follies are but a memory (except for his crooked wife who had the gall to run for president last year despite her history of criminal activity and email usage). Imagine the absolute gall involved there. This is the problem with liberalism. It is absolutely galling.
I was at the barber shop the other day (I only go to the kind with the old red, white and blue barber poles) and I was having some of the loose hairs on my bald, sweaty and misshapen head cut. Sitting next to me, right out in the open, was a man with his pants off having his testicles shaved with a straight razor by the other barber (the one who wasn't cutting my hair). This would not happen in a proper, conservative America where everyone thinks the same and we have regular military parades. It certainly didn't happen in Mayberry. This is the gall of liberalism.
The more I see men getting their nuts shaved in full view of everyone due to liberalism, the more I want to find a cure. But is it ethical? It is easier to ask this question than it is to think about what that question really pertains to. How can you ever be sure? Are you on the right track? How can we ever know? And what about the role that the Bloodhound Gang has played in the promotion of liberalism in our inner cities (which President Trump cares very much about, believe me you)?
It isn't easy to answer all these questions, especially in the small, limited space I am allowed to use for my Pulitzer Prize winning column here on everything2.com. What I am going to do instead is to write a novel about out of control liberalism in a dystopian future where conservative rebels fight for the soul of what was America, but which has been renamed by the liberals as Inoffensive Country (and no longer a World Superpower but instead a limp, wimpy land). I think this forthcoming novel will address all the questions and concerns of everyone.
Order will be restored. Trump is my president.