The dysfunctional family is probably the norm so how does one figure out what love is? And do you behave the way your family says you should or society says you should and then it gets hella confusing because after all, society is the world now.
Three years and two years after two family deaths, I try very hard to forgive and to meet with the other side. Then emails started again and there is a discussion about my father's will that does not include me.
I am really done with the people who are doing that. I followed their rules as best I could, and now there is more shit. I want a way of letting go: forgiving but, as my minister says, forgiveness of someone who doesn't apologize does not mean you let them keep doing it. No. End it.
I think about burning their names, but that doesn't work. I want the bridge to exist, not burn it. I just want clear boundaries: no contact if you behave this way.
I get a tin. I write each name on a piece of paper. I write a buddhist blessing: may all creatures be happy, may all creatures be free from suffering. I place the blessing in the tin with them. I place another piece of paper in the tin: if you continue this behavior, you are not part of my life.
I bury the tin in my yard. A shallow grave. With a cairn.
There. They are not in my life. They are buried. And if they begin to understand, to listen, to apologize: I can remove a name from the tin.
And I feel free.