So, earlier today I was weed-eating, and suddenly a name popped into my head. Lena Horne. I don't know why I thought of Lena Horne, but there her name was, in my brain. I know nothing about Lena Horne, except that she is a singer and that I don't listen to her music. Still, there it was. Now, I have just returned home from a long day of cutting grass. My back hurts and I am tired. I'm sitting here, watching The Muppet Show, and who do you think is the guest? Lena Horne. Apparently weed-eating for nine hours channeled the spirit of Jim Henson into my brain to tell me that Lena Horne would be the guest on The Muppet Show.

See, this is just my luck. Of course I would discover that I am a psychic while weed-eating, or enduring some other such misery. Of course I would only have the power to predict the guest on the Muppet Show. This is how things happen to me. I don't have bad luck. I don't have good luck. I have freaky-weird luck.

Remind me to node My 20th birthday as an example of this.

Later this week, as my super-human powers advance, I expect to gain the following abilities:

  • The ability to levitate ants very short distances
  • Ultimate knowledge of the inner workings of the ill fated Dos GUI known as GeoWorks.
  • The power of making very precise measurements by visual inspection.
  • An incredible tolerance to paper cut pain.

Okay, I'm done.

Okay, I have no clue about the past tense of weed-eating. Weed-ate just sounds too much like actual consumption. I usually use weed-eated. I am a big fan of the term et, actually, and I use it all the time. I try to reserve it for a more violent type of devouring though, as in: "Did y'all see Jimmy get et by that tiger?"

Golem, you have what is called the curse of over-caffinated psychic hotline Warwickitus Jungian collective unconsciousness which only manifests itself during weed-eating. It's pretty common. But just try this:

Have a vision of what the past tense of weed-eating is. Is it weed-ate? "Honey, I just weed-ate the yard and I'm damn thirsty!" Down here, we could say "weed-et," but that wouldn't go over where you live, I don't suppose. Weed-munched? Weed-whacked? These options would require a total reworking of the original concept, eh?

Seriously, I know what you mean. How many coincidences can happen in your life before you feel as if you have some sort of gift of prophesy? I've had so many similar things happen that it's become both a gift and a curse to me. I can look at a pregnant woman (if I know her name) and tell you the sex of the child. I've never been wrong. I tell myself I'm going to quit doing this 'cause I don't want to be wrong and spoil it. But I just see the child as a youngster while he or she is still in the womb. I can't help it. These days, I can even do it before they get pregnant.

I sometimes get these feelings that something is for sure going to happen. It's like a small chill that comes over me. That's never wrong, either. For instance, one day just at the beginning of the 1992 Presidential race, I was reading the USA Today and there was a picture of Bill Clinton in there. He was about the last person anyone expected to come out of that race on top, but it hit me just as clear as a belt lick from my old man, "This guy is going to be President!" I told everyone around me about it, and they still remind me of this. I think many of them wish I'd done something to stop it. But it can't be stopped, can it?

When I had kids, I tried to will these visions away 'cause I'd have a worry about my kid (like all parents do) and I couldn't distinguish between vision or concern. It can’t be stopped, though. So crank up that weed-eater and let’s see what the market’s going to do Monday.

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