On Thursday, November 3rd, the beloved Muppet, Cookie Monster, was found dead in his home following coworkers noting his absence on Monday. While there is some uncertainty regarding the exact cause of death the corner's report lists dehydration and exhaustion brought on by a marathon play session of the browser game Cookie Clicker as the most probable culprit. While full details have yet to be released preliminary digital forensic examinations indicate that the Cookie Monster had been playing the game for nearly six thousand hours.
Cookie Monster began his acting career on Sesame Street in 1969 along side Kermit the Frog and immediately endeared himself to millions by eating objects that weren't food even after being repeatedly told not to. Since then Cookie Monster remained a staple of Sesame Street; appearing in such classics as Monsterpiece Theatre. But recent trends had put plenty of stress on Cookie Monster as his friend and coworker, Bert, related:
Sid, that was his real name, he'd been having a hard time the since, well, a long time. At least since the whole veggie monster debacle back in o'five. The network was pushing for him to have a more balanced diet which wasn't fun but he tried. But then the public was on the other side with fears that the network was going to turn him into the broccoli monster or something. So he's getting grief from one side for eating cookies and the other side for not eating cookies and I never heard him complain but I think it really bothered him because that was about the time that he started drawing away. None of us really noticed, though. He just started spending more and more time on his phone. I guess we should have notice there was a problem when he stopped sleeping for three days when Pokemon Go came out but he was hardly the only person to go bananas over that game. Elmo spent the whole month talking nonstop about how great it was. I guess it should come as no surprise that a game about trying to acquire infinite cookies would appeal to him but I never would have imagined this.
Controversy now rages over the seemingly innocuous baking simulator. Parents and concerned citizen all over America are calling for the banning of Cookie Clicker with a small minority (specifically Jack Thompson) calling for the out right banning of all browser games on the grounds that they are completely unregulated. When asked to comment Cookie Clikers creator, Julien "Orteil" Thiennot, responded by saying: "What? Cookie Monster, like from the children's show? But it's a puppet." Mister Thiennot declined to comment further, leaving a stunned nation to mourn the loss of one of the world's most beloved entertainers.
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