the rules of baseketball
Baseketball, popularized by the film of the same name, is a game related to horse. It was invented by David Zucker (MAD Magazine, The Naked Gun, Airplane!). (Does he have a patent on it?)
Each team has four players. Only three players from a team can be on the field at any time on offense or defense.
Equipment includes one regulation baseketball (basketball made to look like a large softball), nine tapped-square markers (usually potholders), and one scoreboard that tracks the current inning (1 to 9 and X), possession (away or home), outs (0 to 2), and each team's runs, hits, and psyche outs.
The game generally lasts seven regulation innings; professional games last nine. If the scores are tied at the end of the final regulation inning, extra innings are played. Substitutions can be made before a team enters the field for offense. There is a halftime break after half (rounded up) of the innings have been played. Scores kept include runs, hits, and psyche outs.
There are twelve scoring spaces on the field. Two "bunt" squares lie on either side of the key close to the basket. Three "single" squares lie at the distance from the basket equivalent to the free throw line in basketball. Three "double" squares are at the top of the key, three "triples" about halfway from "double" to half court, and one "home run" at half court.
In turn, each player takes a shot from the square. (If the bases are loaded, the player on third base shoots.) Once a player shoots from a single, double, or triple square, the square is tapped and cannot be used again for the rest of the inning; a referee drops a marker on the square to signify this. However, a team may attempt more than one home run or bunt in an inning. I didn't catch where the bases were placed, other than home plate at the home run square.
A shot that goes in (a "hit") advances the runners by n bases: 1 for bunt or single, 2 for double, 3 for triple, 4 for home-run. Runners always advance on a hit; a double followed by a single results on runners on first and third. A runner who advances to home plate scores a run. Any shot that goes in except a bunt also places the runner on the appropriate base (first for a single, etc). A missed shot or a shot clock violation is an out; three outs end the half of the inning, and the squares untap for the other team.
Two defenders close to the basket try to tip-in missed shots that have hit the rim or backboard. (Missed shots that have hit neither are dead balls, and so are missed shots where a player has brought the ball to the ground. A tip-in must be done from the air.) If one makes it, and any runners are on base, the runner furthest along is also out, and the miss is worth two outs instead of one, called a "double play". A third defender tries to break the shooter's concentration without touching the player or the ball; if this causes the player to miss a shot, the defenders score a "psyche out". Props such as portable audio equipment are OK; breaking the law (public indecency, public performance of a copyrighted work, etc) is not. The referee rules whether or not an out was a psyche out. After each out, the defenders rotate positions.
If the opponents miss a double play attempt, either team can tip the ball in. If the defense makes it, it's still a double play, but if the offense makes it, it's a "conversion", and the original shot is ruled good.
At the end of regulation or extra innings, the team with more runs wins the game.
According to Google, I'm the first ever to make that joke.
© 2002 Damian Yerrick. This writeup is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. Like other games, the game of baseketball cannot be copyrighted; only a particular expression of the rules falls under copyright. The author is not aware of any U.S. patent on baseketball.