First of all, I am
Australian and this
node will deal mainly with
Australian Cars. It would be nice if users from other countries would /msg (or better yet, contribute their own
writeups) so E2 can finally have a place to go to look for which cars
not to buy.
Hyundai
For years Hyundai have turned out plastic
shitboxes with very little in the way of driver enjoyability or quality mechanics. Makers of illustrious vehicles like the woeful
Sonata and the even more
cringe inducing Excel, Hyundai have reached a new low with the
Getz, a
miniscule hatchback aimed at young professionals (ie.
yuppies) who think that buying a car named after a
jazz musician will somehow make them cooler. Analogies to a
sardine tin spring to mind, but don't be fooled; This car doesn't have nearly that much metal. Also the advertisement for the car has horrible music that sounds like the inbuilt demo from
Re-Birth.
Among other cars, Hyundai also makes a '
luxury' (problem) model called '
Grandeur' (delusions of, methinks). I don't recall seeing one driven here - Who would want to admit to it? Hyundai also makes a range of horrible pseudo 4WD's (SUV), all which look likely to break down at the slightest hint of
countryside. Their rally team is unentertaining at best, abysmal at worst; featuring a tricked up
Accent. By far the biggest
death nell for Hyundai, and what gives them the Number One position in this node, is that Hyundai are the company behind
Kia. These cars are so bad, even Hyundai feel tarnished by putting an 'H' on them, and I think I'll lose my lunch if I have to say any more about them. Oh, and the
website sucks to navigate around and always wants you to install
Korean language support every screen. Even on the Australia-
specific page.
Daewoo
Their website boasts that the '
Daewoo International Corporation' is "Aiming for the top as a global trader in the new century". Obviously this means making cars that are barely superior to Kia's. The website mentions their
Automotive components division, but no actual cars, so it would appear that Daewoo has stopped badging their own cars. Wise decision - if no one knows that Daewoo parts are in a car, then the car might actually be sold.
For the most part, Daewoo in this country is known for ruining the
career of Australia's best trained dog, an acting
Blue Heeler called Cain. He appeared often with one of the
Daddo brothers on '
The World's Greatest Commercials' and other cheaply produced
prime time television shows. Some
bright spark at Daewoo obviously had the idea that if the dog was used in the car commercials, if might help shift a few
disposable cars to the
xenophobic Australian public. The dog hasn't been seen since, and I can't recall the last time I've seen a Daewoo on the road.
Update: Daewoo are back, an with the support of
General Motors are now called
GM Daewoo. They're still flogging shite like the
Daewoo Nubira though, so it's doubtful they'll last long.
Mitsubishi
"
Please Consider"... Something I might actually want to drive. A cheaper, inferior option to a
Holden when it comes to
sedans and
station wagons, and crap 4WD's compared to almost every other brand, Mitsubishi's
nondescript vehicles are still ubiquitous on Australian roads. After all, they're reasonably inexpensive, and they run. However (and this is the kicker for me) at the time of writing, Mitsubishi's last two advertisement campaigns featured the songs
One Week by the
Barenaked Ladies, and
You Get What You Give by
New Radicals - Two songs which, while being incredibly bad, thankfully aren't true: It's been a week and I haven't got a
potato in the exhaust pipe yet.
Ssang-Yong
So your car is a plastic Korean half-arsed
four wheel drive, but at least you can boast about having a
Mercedes engine right? No, I'm afraid people will always think you're a cheap, careless
motherfucker, and you know what? They're right.
Volvo
Definite candidate for the ugliest cars on the road, Volvos are generally disliked by anyone who doesn't own one. Other marks on the
shitlist include the rampant stuffing of
airbags into any gap at all and
headlights that you can't turn off! I remember when I was young I saw a program on the ABC slagging them off. Choiciest quote: "Don't talk to me about Volvos, there's only one thing they're good for" while footage of a car bomb in a Volvo played.
Dis-honourable mentions go to:
Mercedes,
BMW, and
Porsche, for ruining their reputation of
expensive yet much sought after cars by all realeasing 4WD's which are obviously not meant for off-road driving, rather only for making the road more
lethal for all other users of it. Well done.
You might think I'm forgetting:
Toyota: No,
and not just because I'm biased. While being one of the few companies still producing cars here (yay), the
Toyota Corolla has been a staple of Australian roads since the 70's, even if they are a bit of a
rustbucket. The
Celica too is a bit of a legend, especially the models made during the 1980's.
Nissan: Excused for making
Datsuns: Countless cars on the road are
120Y's,
180B's and
Z-Cars are still plentiful. Even more can be found in the countryside of this great land as throwaround
paddock bashers, and they made cars with
rotary engines. That said, Nissans today are pretty much all shite, except for the
vans.
Subaru: Even though I hate the brand, even though their rally team consistantly is substandard, even though an
XC Replica could piss all over a WRX for the 1/4 mile, EVEN THOUGH most WRX Impreza drivers are wankers, people seem to like the cars and they're okay quality.
Ford and
Holden are of course exempt for not only being the
quintessential Australian automobiles, but also for producing some damn fine cars in 50's, 60's 70's (mainly Ford), 80's & 90's (mainly Holden), and today, where they are the only participants in great races like
Bathurst 1000.