My brother likes money.
I don't mean he's greedy. I don't mean he likes to shop or spend-- far from it. He's one of those people who doesn't like spending and saves everything he earns. He likes numbers and wants to be an accountant (which is a shame because he didn't figure that out until two years into a psychology degree), but I'm not talking about that, either. He likes physical money-- old dollars that look different from the more recently printed stuff, dimes still made out of silver, gold dollars, silver dollars, Susan B Anthony coins. We're actually both like that, and we'll discreetly argue with one another who gets to buy out the weird money when we get it in the coffeeshop register.
So sometime last month, I ordered an eight pack sheet of uncut two dollar bills from the US government. It arrived a few weeks ago in a simple green tube, and it's been sitting on the shelf attached to my bed, resting on top of the Dresden Files books there.
For the past few weeks, I've been really into Gravity Falls, and I've managed to get my brother and sister hooked on it, too. Every night, they come into my room and sit on my bed while I take the computer chair, I turn my monitor a little, and we watch it online, usually a couple episodes a night. Broseph sits next tot he headboard-bed-shelf, right next to the tube.
Right now it's 1:20 AM on August 27, his birthday. We just finished the first episode of season two, and he was getting ready to drag himself up and go to sleep.
"Hey," I said. "It's your birthday."
"WE GOTTA SING THE SONG," my sister said.
So we sang two different versions of the Happy Birthday song, me singing the "you look like a monkey" one and her singing the real one. He just sorta watched us with amusement.
"Do you want your present now or during the day?" I said.
"Ehhh... I guess now is cool."
"Cool," I said.
"Where did you hide it? I looked earlier and couldn't find it anywhere-"
I pointed next to him, grinning like a loon, and said in a squeaky voice, "It's that tube."
He stared at the tube for a long second and made a funny choking noise. "I've seen this a million times!"
"Plain sight, bro."
He struggled with the ends of the tube and pulled out a piece of paper first. It had information from the mint or government or something and his eyes glazed over just looking at it. "You got me education," he said, pretending to sound happy but obviously not.
He did. The ends of the tube had curled in slightly, so he had trouble getting the rest out. "It's a two dollar bill? You got me two dollars and education," he said through a strained smile. "Thanks."
"Pull it out!" I said.
He tried, but it was stuck.
"Pull it out harder!" I said.
"That's what she said!" they both said in chorus.
My sister and I watched him struggle for another good minute before he slid out the sheet of money.
"There's more?" he said. "There's lots! They're-- together? What? What?!" he unrolled the sheet, staring. "Is this real?"
"Yup!" I said.
"Oh my god. It's all clean. It's uncut! Can I cut them?"
"Totally," I said.
"This is so cool!" he said, sorta giggling.
I pumped my fist into the air. "I WIN THE BIG SISTER BIRTHDAY GIFT GAME."
My sister and I chattered for a moment and my brother joined in, carefully rolling the sheet back into the tube.
"I can't believe I never noticed it," he said. "or I did notice it, but I didn't think anything of it. Your room is just always got stuff, and I didn't question." He placed the tube back on the spot on the books. We talked for another few minutes about Gravity Falls before I pointed out,
"You put it back."
He stared at it and started laughing. "I didn't even notice! That's just where it goes!" And he took it back.
I just booted them out of my room. This is a good start to the day. Guess I better get to bed.