I wrote this letter to a cousin who was trying to choose between majoring in religion, sociology, psychology, or English. I thought she should major in English Lit. I recently found a copy of the letter.
Major in English. Reasons to choose English Lit:
- You already know how to speak and read it.
- Unlike Religion and Sociology, you'll often have answers to questions.
- New ways to cuss at people.
- Do you really want to know why people are fucked up? Isn't that like taking a microscope into a porto-potty?
- Historical basis for drinking a bottle of whiskey before you start writing.
- English major keeps you far the fuck away from Catholic priests.
- You don't really want to study religion, you just want to come to class drunk and shout explicatives at fundamentalists.
- English majors have a better chance at getting a good job than Sociology or Religion majors. (actually not true, I just can't think of reason number 8; if you pretend #8 makes sense, I'll believe you)
- Psychology majors are all fucking batshit. So are Religion majors, but at least they see god when they're crazy.
- Seriously though, those Sociologist fuckers are crazy too. I know a sociology major who's always fucking babbling. Do you want to sit in a class full of fucking babblers? (If you've taken any religion classes, you may already know how much the big beard in the sky hates Babble)