Since time has passed since my last writeup there is probably catching up to do. Yesterday I met with my financial advisor to deposit dividend checks for each of my daughters. We spent a lot of time getting less than fifty cents into brokerage accounts, but I'm proud of what we accomplished. If nothing else my children are going to reap the benefits of starting early that I never received. I would have liked to do this long ago, I had visions of me being the type of parent that gifted stocks to my progeny when I found out the first one was on the way, but it is better to accomplish a goal many years later than to write it off as an impossible task. I had forgotten how much I loved money and investing. Last night I stayed up way too late researching high yield dividend stocks. I'm sure the chocolate I consumed late in the day was also a factor.
Today I had a job interview with a company that designs and engineers menus. It did not go well so I'm in a mood. I know that I am a good candidate, but she made me feel as if every mistake I had ever made was on review today. Perhaps it went better than I thought, but I felt as if I was angry and defensive about past jobs that I had left rather than being able to focus on the many good qualities that I have. Maybe she will be just as hard on others, I actually think she's a nice person and didn't mean to be quite so harsh. She's nobody's fool, that's for sure, I think she's been nice in the past and given people chances that she shouldn't have and wants to avoid making that mistake in the future which I can understand. It's just frustrating to feel as if this job search is dragging on with no end in sight, and it's disappointing to feel denied a really cool opportunity.
I finally deleted the Tinder app. I felt like it was taking me places I didn't want to go. The final two straws were a date last Monday where the guy had ideas I didn't like. It started out well, we met at a bar, he was cute, he was fun and conversational. He had three drinks in a row and then drank two beers. I hate it when people drink rapidly and I really don't like feeling pressured into anything sexual that I am not inviting, especially on the first date. He let me know he was in town until Wednesday and I haven't talked to him since I left. The other thing that happened was I started talking to someone I really did like. We went back and forth for a while, he's shy and I can understand that, but when I asked what he did want, he didn't answer and that was really the reply I needed.
So now I'm back to where I started with more experience. Last night I met up with a guy who was supposed to be a friend. He really likes me and would like to go out, but I don't have those feelings for him. He's not bad looking, we can talk, he has a great job, plenty of money, he would treat me well, but we have absolutely zero chemistry and I'm not the type that can fake that kind of thing. I bought myself a calendar that incorporates some of the bullet journal tactics in it, but it was on the pricey side and now I'm rethinking that strategy. I finally got my black shower curtain and hand towels. Still working on floor coverings and towels. It turned out really well and now I'm trying not to be mad at myself for all the money I spent on what didn't work, but that's par for the course.
The company my mom works for was getting rid of some computers which means now I have one. Jill and Jane's dad gave it to my brother to wipe for me so I can't be accused of corporate espionage or anything exciting like that. I'm back at my desk listening to songs I haven't heard since my last computer died. Even though I'm cold and tired, I can see parts of my life coming together and that's a really cool thing. Hopefully having a computer means I can get back to fiction and posting here with greater frequency and regularity. It's something I really missed and probably contributed to the state of my mind which has been better despite today's current low mood. I'm in a tremendous place and that's a fabulous feeling.
Xoxo,
J
P.S. I really wanted that job. Feel like bursting into tears and asking for an opportunity to do everything over, but unfortunately it doesn't quite work that way.
j