Woke up early, but was able to go back to sleep which led to an interesting dream where the guy I like showed up at some event. It was hard to tell where this event was being held or what was being celebrated. I kissed him, he kissed me back, and we probably would have gotten further faster had we not been aware of everyone else at this whatever it was. My popcorn was slightly burnt in my dream, probably an insignificant detail, but it made it very lifelike. Yesterday I walked around the lake with my neighbor before we went to yoga together. My Groupon is done, but they let new people sign up for a half priced month which I will probably do. I overdid it this past week, but overall I enjoy going and think it's a really good thing in my life right now.

With the exception of yesterday's class where there were several poses in a row that I couldn't do, and Wednesday's class that was completely beyond me, I feel pretty good about the other classes that I want to continue taking. Tuesday's class is my favorite, it's shorter and moves more quickly. It also has more upper body involvement which I'm getting better at. Considering I was at yoga for seven hours last week my body is doing okay. I'm sore in spots and stiff in others, I took my phone outside and laid out on the grass while I was talking to a friend of mine. I was wearing jeans, a long sleeved fleece and vest, but the sun was strong enough to give me a pinprick burn on the backs of my legs and upper arms. It made me dizzy and dehydrated. I blamed yoga until I realized what was actually going on, and oddly it felt mental as well as a physical sense of illness.

I've been painting at home and realizing how much work it is so I owe my ex some credit there. He came over yesterday and said he would pick up primer. I'm going to invite my family over, most of them like to paint, I abhor it, it's tedious and boring, I hate taping off the woodwork, the random paint splatters that seem to go everywhere except on the walls, and how monotonous the process of spreading paint over uneven walls is. But I'm doing it which is the important thing. It kind of pisses me off that for so long I was afraid to paint anything for fear of messing it up. I have three partially painted walls and I'm totally okay with them since nobody ever let me experiment with anything while I was younger and screwing things up is really the only way to learn anything.

A boy from our church was dianosed with cancer, that hit me hard for some reason. I gave Jane an extra long hug and told her to go shower when she came over. She said Jill's hair was very greasy when she saw her, but Jill is at school this weekend so there's not a lot I can do about it from here. I wish I had some insight into why hygiene is such an issue around here. I think it's rooted in deep self esteem issues, the girls went to therapy today, their next appointment isn't until May 31st which seems like an awfully long time to wait, but I trust their therapists, Jane's especially as she is seasoned and very shrewd. Changing subjects for a moment, but I've been thinking about a career, and wondering about becoming a yoga instructor.

The time is a factor, I'd have to take classes and right now my body doesn't want to move in certain ways, but more than a physical challenge, I love what yoga does for the mind. During the super hard class I sat through on Wednesday I learned a ton about myself and my soul. I've allowed doubt and fear to keep me back when there was no need for either of those in my life. Last night I talked to a friend of mine for a couple of hours about various things. I think yoga plays to a lot of my strengths. I love the clean minimalist aspect of it. Even when we have our props out the room is open and bright. I like the comfortable clothes people wear and how they express themselves that way.

I love the use of essential oils and how it's a different workout for everyone. It's humbling, grounding, but exciting and stimulating as well. I feel good when I walk out of class regardlesss of how many poses I had to sit out. There's a community aspect that appeals to me. I'm good at teaching and coaching, one thing I wish they would do more of is walk around and correct people who are posed improperly, maybe I'll mention that to them next time. The owner walks around class while she's instructing, I find that very helpful since she's there to reposition or encourage when we need her. There isn't always a lot of value in having someone at the front of the room showing you what to do if you can't see the instructor because you're in camel pose, but it can be helpful at times.

There isn't any corporate structure, the woman who teaches the Thursday class has gotten off of her MS meds by practicing yoga. I feel more limber, my skin is more supple, it's good for the body, the mind, and the soul. The challenge is finding something else that will pay until I can get whatever certification I need. I looked into it a bit, they tick off instructors based on how many hours they have. The first threshhold is 100 hours which sounds like a lot right now, but I can break it down week by week. Five hours a week is twenty weeks. Four hours is twenty-five weeks, you get the idea. It's something I want to do, something I think I would be naturally good at, and not too cost prohibitive. I don't hurt as much as I did and the pain I have now is tempered by the knowledge that I survived some pretty grueling sessions. So that's where I'm at and that's what I'm thinking. It feels good, like I was on the wrong path for a while, but stumbled upon an oasis with a cool clear pool that reflects my life back at me and provides revitalizing clarity. 

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