Teenage heir apparent to the Kenan and Kel throne (or pile of turnips and horse dung crudely fashioned into a chair, whichever way you see it) at Nickelodeon. Started out on the Amanda Show (made by the same company as the aforementioned Kenan and Kel), half an hour devoted to Amanda (hooray for the world), and went on to star in such fantastic cinematic adventures as...uh...What a Girl Wants and...Big Fat Liar. She has also been given a few more shows on the orange splat network.

Not that they have any choice in the matter. Nickelodeon has been taken over by this utterly unfunny, vapid, borderline anorexic 15/16 year old, as well as every single one of the movies/shows cashing in on the new craze-"Adults are dumbasses, let's mock them until they give us NBC or something".

The Supreme Court, as pointed out by Bill Hicks, defines pornography as any material with no artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts. Well, The Amanda Show is half the way there-we'll know for sure when, one day, Bynes squeals "And now lets welcome our very special guest-JENNA JAMESON, doing a routine she calls "Big Dick Up My Butt Number 22!"" in her usual voice, at a frequency that shatters lightbulbs and kills some small animals for two miles around even when the TV is muted.

Until such a time that the Nickelodeon broadcasting standards monitoring department (staffed by a retarded high school dropout and a kid with ADHD-how else do you think they approve this shit to go on the air?) decides to stick two fingers up at half of the ITC Programme Code in one fell swoop, I can say this-everything that this girl says, does or acts in is completely unfunny. I can give you a typical plan of the Amanda Show on any given episode:

Pre-show: Girl who looks vaguely like a teenage Mystic Meg (and is played by Amanda) tries to find Amanda for no readily apparent reason
First studio segment: Amanda runs on and does/says something incredibly dumb which any real 16 year old would be ashamed of saying/doing, and is cheered on by the Pepsi-swilling crowd of tweens
First Sketch: Amanda takes the piss out of hapless adult
Second Sketch: Amanda takes the piss out of hapless adult...
...
Fourteenth Sketch: Amanda takes the piss out of hapless adult
Last studio segment: Girl besotted with Amanda (who is played by Amanda) shamelessly plugs her website (amandaplease.com - I swear, this makes goatse look tolerable) and Amanda does more dumb shit and runs off. Tweens cheer.

All this with canned laughter that would make any sentient being curl up into the foetal position and weep. I'd probably consider those who give videos/DVDs of this as presents just the same as drunks who give 8 year olds Marlboros in the park. I mean, someone at the FCC must realise that this crap is corrupting childrens minds! I know it gave me nightmares!

But no, as well as mentally warping millions of kids, Miss Amanda "My Ass Is About 5inches Across, Beat That Geri Halliwell" Bynes gets movie deals, and merchandising, and more goddamn money, while all the kids with actual talent, who worked hard to hone said talent, get told to beat it because what could be a brilliant start for them has been taken by a...pillock! merely because her name is known in more homes than them!

Whoo, that's a lot of inner rage that girl generates...

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