Am I The Antichrist?

Something I used to wonder quite a bit, and only remember it now because my writeup count has just rolled over to 666.

See, back when I was a kid in the 1970s there was this movie called The Omen about this other kid - not me - named Damien Thorne who was destined to grow up to become the Antichrist. This really stuck in my head for some reason, probably because I was a fairly imaginative and somewhat paranoid little boy. What if, I wondered, I was the antichrist? I didn't think I was, but how would I really know? If I did turn out to be the antichrist, was there any way out of it? Or are we all just pawns in the hands of Fate?

This bizarre obsession was eventually displaced by "What If I'm Really Forty Years Old And In A Madhouse, Reliving My Entire Life Over Again In My Head?".

If Quizro's paranoia were true, then that would contradict The Evil Anti-Quizro, who is, by definition, evil, and the anti-Quizro, so, Quizro must not be evil.

But, here's a simple test to find out:

Are You The Antichrist?
a self-test.


1. On average, how many crosses do you burn each day?                 _______________

2. Have you ever been blinded by a cross or other religous images?    [ ] yes  [ ] no

3. Does holy water make you fizz and moan "I'm melting...."?          [ ] yes  [ ] no

4. Do you keep holy water in your toilet so people piss on it?        [ ] yes  [ ] no

5. Do you work at Microsoft or America Online?                        [ ] yes  [ ] no

6. When you multiply this question number by 111, do you like what    [ ] yes  [ ] no
   you see?

7. Check all the following items that interest you:

       [ ] pride         [ ] avarice (greed)         [ ] envy
       [ ] wrath         [ ] lust                    [ ] gluttony
       [ ] sloth         [ ] Win32 development

The Number of the Beast

While certainly there is more to being the Anti-Christ than bearing the number of the Beast, it is, according to most Christian tradition, an immediate indication of evil. The number "666" is the Hebrew gematria for Nero Caesar (RSKNVRN in the English equivalent to Hebrew), and it is thought that the Anti-Christ will also have a birth name which, when deciphered, equals 666. Because gematria is mystical and indefinite, there have been many discordant assertions regarding its nature, which have spawned questionable theories, such as that Adolf Hitler was the Anti-Christ, and that because Christianity is founded in Vulgar and Classical scriptures, it is the Latin gematria that should be consulted for Anti-Christian prediction.

I was freaked out when I did both my Hebrew gematria and my Latin gematria last year, and they turned out to be 665 and 667, respectively.

Here are links to websites with Hebrew and Latin gematria keys, so that you can determine whether or not you're going to be the downfall of mankind:
Hebrew: http://www.inner.org/gematria/gemchart.htm
Latin: http://www.masoncode.com/Latin%20Gematria.htm