The Proper Way to eat an Almond Joy:
There is a method to eating Almond Joy candy bars, a procedure. Follow the procedure and crunchy, coconutty, chocolatey bliss shall be yours. Ignore it, and you might has well have purchased an Almond Ennui. I cringe when I see people errantly go through the standard candy bar nibble-chew-swallow-nibble routine with an Almond Joy. They don't know what they're missing.
You must chew your Almond Joy in a single bite. Like conquering Asia in Risk, or hunting nightcrawlers, you'd better get the whole thing done at once, or not bother at all. CHOMP! You've got to shatter that almond with your molars and let the chocolate and coconut seep along your gums.
Manoeuver the candy into the center of your mouth, and proceed to knead it against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. Feel it's texture, the oatmealy coconut lubricated by now-melted chocolate, bestrewn with shards of hard almond. Proceed until your saliva has dissolved everything but the almond shards.
Lick the inside of your lips with a single sweep of your tongue. Grind the remaining almond shards with your teeth, and swallow. Wash it all down with grapefruit juice.
As I write this, I check the nutrition information on these Almond Joy Miniatures. Serving size: 3 pieces. Saturated fat: 35%. Ew. There are 6 wrappers on my desk.