Now Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Despite of 'is
troublesome start
Were awfully
fond of their Albert
'E 'eld a warm place in their 'eart
They forgave 'im t'
adventure wit' lion
And after a season or two
They excused 'is
untimely arrival
As they settled 'is price with the Pru.
'E outgrew 'is
penchant for
mishap
It turned out 'e weren't even dull,
'is parents saw 'im
graduated
in
Media Studies, from 'ull
The news it were young Albert's
passion
'is
youthful ambitions were set
On a spot on the news team on t’ telly
Like Simpson, and Witchell, and t'rest.
'E worked on t'local rag to begin with
Then
tabloids, and then
broadsheet stuff
And finally a
Guardian byline
Eeh, but 'is mother were
chuffed
They called him to guest wi'
Paul Merton
On that
Friday night quiz of Beeb Two's
And 'e found 'imself stood at'
urinal
Beside t'bloke that ran
BBC News
Now I'm not sure 'ow Albert
impressed 'im
'E kept all the details quite
dark
But twenty or so minutes later
E' was 'ired to go out to
Iraq.
For a year or two things were quite quiet,
And young Albert began to get bored.
But
Dubya took
action to fix that
When 'e whipped up 'is nice little
war.
By, the lad 'e got proper excited
It seemed that 'is moment 'ad come
T’weren't Albert as blew 'is first
broadcast
But a damn great
American bomb.
Now Mrs R. sounded right bitter
As she twisted 'er 'ankie quite limp
"To think," she said, "'e survived lions
And then got done in - by a Chimp"