AIM Profiles for Dummies
So all the popular kids at your high school have crazy profiles. Now, you, too can be in the "in" clique with these helpful hints!
You absolutely want to have as much obnoxious formatting as you can fit in the one kilobyte to you allotted. Unnecessarily changing font sizes, styles, or colors are good ideas. If you're strapped for space, you can always AlTeRnAtE cAsEs, or just do the entire thing in the largest font available. Remember, proper capitalization and spelling, as well as text that can be easily read, is for nerds!
You will want to insert conversation logs. However, make sure they were only funny at the time! Leave out critical exposition, or pick quotes just aren't funny out of context. Follow the example below.
PRINCESS438957329857349857: so i says to him, i says "orange you glad i didn't say banana?"
METHOD MAN 38583: lol
You know those injokes that only you and one or two people in the world would understand? These "shout-outs" are absolutely essential for a good AIM profile. Remember, the more esoteric, the better! It's just pedestrian if more than three people would get it. Insert several. Example below.
BILLY - knife it! lol
JANE - where'd he go? lol
Note also: You should end every one of these references with "lol."
Your song lyrics should come from a song currently popular. Anything melancholy is a solid choice; remember, you are a unique snowflake and no one can understand your plight, other than the trendiest bands! Look for any lyrics like the following.
I am so sad
I want to die
I want to die so much
Similarly acceptable are any songs about narcotics, hookers, or the artist's tremendous penis size.
Congratulations! If you've followed these tips, you've composed a profile that will get you into all the incrowds.