A desert breakfast and a dessert breakfast must not be confused, as they could not help but being more different things.

A desert breakfast would be whatever the lonely sojourner could possibly scare up to eat for his morning meal in the sandy clime of the arid desert. Having been in a desert or two, I can tell you that you'll not find any pancakes or coffee lying around, and a whole grain blueberry muffin is right out. Water will be your first priority, and if you are in emergent need of protein, ants will do, maybe a roasted lizard in a pinch (if you're a vegetarian, you will just have to weigh the pros and cons of survival against your reasons for not eating your fellow animals). And on the subject of fellow animals, if you happen to be in the deserts of the American Southwest, where mountain lions still roam, take care that you don't end up being someone's desert breakfast!

Now, a dessert breakfast is something that would not be found in a desert, for it is a dessert that one has for breakfast, or at least something that really ought to be a dessert that is eaten for breakfast. Bill Cosby once did this bit about how, wanting to give his belabored wife a break, he offered to fix the kids breakfast. He asked them what they wanted, and they said "cake!"; and he thought it over and convinced himself that cake was after all much like bread, and was made with eggs, both of which are breakfasty foods. But when the wife came down and observed this spectacle, he couldn't find the words to explain convincingly why it had made sense at the time to let the kids have cake for breakfast.

A similar rationale could be made for ice cream, which is basically cream with some flavor stuff mixed in and chilled while beaten. Face facts folks, most kids' breakfast cereals these days are dessert-like in their sheer sugariness. And have you seen what they're serving at IHOP these days, with the layers of whipped cream and chocolate syrup and what-have-you? As disgusting as it will likely sound to those acclimated to modern life, the kids would be healthier having the desert breakfast -- water and ants -- then the sweets and stuffery that passes for breakfast today.

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