// I won't be posting the whole website here. Only these two stories that are only ones on segfault I truly like. Bear with me; I thought these would be worth sharing.
[ is also a revolutionary new OS. Originally posted by Neil Howie (firstname.lastname@example.org) on segfault.org.
Revolutionary new OS set to eclipse Linux and Microsoft
Last week, a mysterious new company known only as '[' announced the pre-release of a new operating system based on a completely different paradigm from previous OSs.
Instead of using standard OS features, such as memory management, processes, files, threading or point-and-click interfaces, the new OS - referred not by words, but by the idea of the smell of a dog's melancholy - will be based on the principles of Dadaism - the nihilistic artform based on irrationality.
According the press release, the OS will at first run on the jawbone of a carp, but an ix86 port looks like being in the works. Features of the OS include 'a complete lack of test-tubes', 'the ability to be ambiguous about plastic' and 'old rum'. Instead of using existing file-storage mechanisms, data will be stored by using the feeling of insecurity generated by an orange cauldron.
It is not clear of the project will be open source, although the release promises that the licensing agreement will be the marriage vows between some solvents and the plural of 'elk'. User support will be implemented by 18 midgets discussing Canadian politics in the company of a blood donor.
The product launch press conference was held within an octagonal array of thermos flasks in a field somewhere in Poland, the conference was opened by a man dressed as a 6 foot nose ventriloquising in a high-pitched voice through a brick - in Latin. What was promised as a demonstration of the new OS running was in fact a three hour film of a plate of spaghetti, accompanied by a sound track consisting of someone playing the spoons interspersed with the sounds of various farm animals.
The highlight of the conference, however, was free copies of version -8.4pi of the product, which turned out to be various sizes of nails taped to an egg-cup. The next day, version 0+0.9i was released, which - despite coming in a software-sized box - consisted of several photographs of Japanese pop stars, with the heads cut off and replaced with the heads of characters from Thunderbirds.
When asked for comment of the new OS, Bill Gates commented 'this is nothing new, MicroSoft's products have been based on completely irrational principles for years. This proves without doubt that MicroSoft does not have a monopoly.'
When approached for his opinion, Linus Torvalds said 'Remember that the operating system known as Linux is actually a gnu riding on the back of penguin that is riding on the back of same gnu. If that makes sense, then I'm a kipper.'
Alan Cox has already released three patches to the Operating system.