jop's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=jop2002-01-20T14:31:31ZDream Log: January 20, 2002 (idea)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/Dream+Log%253A+January+20%252C+2002jophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2002-01-20T14:31:31Z2002-01-20T14:31:31Z<p>
We went around <a href="/title/war">winning territory</a>, the guys versus the girls. <a href="/title/Charlie%2527s+Angels">Three</a> in each group. This was serious stuff; things were bombed or shot at, but rarely was there hand to hand combat. The guys lost <a href="/title/recon">intel</a> on what was left to take, so I was sent to get it. "The only thing that hasn't been taken is the tunnel junction underneath the library," I heard one of them say.
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Problem was, I was in the tunnel junction. I knew they were coming, and since there are four entrances, I felt a little insecure. I backed up against the wall such that anyone coming down the stairs <a href="/title/camo">wouldn't see me</a> - and to my relief and excitement, they sent only one, the asian, down to secure the area. Right when she took her last step, I spun around, stretched out my right foot and tripped her... now I had the advantage, but we still had to <a href="/title/duel">duel</a>.
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The <a href="/title/kung+fu">fight</a> was <a href="/title/the+matrix">matrix</a> style, but without <a href="/title/bullet+time">bullet time</a>. Flipping in the air took only grace, not effort. She was<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Washing dishes (idea)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/Washing+dishesjophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2001-11-04T18:04:45Z2001-11-04T18:04:45Z<p>These mostly apply to people who don't have <a href="/title/dishwasher">dishwashers</a>.</p>
<ul>
<li>You don't need much soap. One 14.7 <a href="/title/fluid+ounce">fl oz</a> bottle of <a href="/title/Dog+slobber%252C+or+dish+soap%253F">Dawn</a> lasted me about two years. That is a little less then the volume of a <a href="/title/SoBe">SoBe</a>.
<li>The water should be between warm and hot. <a href="/title/Tiles+on+the+bathroom+wall+in+the+Safehouse">Uncleanliness</a> will wash away despite your reluctance to <a href="/title/third-degree+burn">scald</a> your hands.
<li>Only soap one side of the sponge. Inevitably the other side will collect soap; moreover you really <a href="/title/How+to+develop+one+side+of+your+butt+and+still+have+the+other+one+flabby">only need one side</a> soapy to clean well.
<li>To get your dishes <a href="/title/Cleanliness+is+next+to+Godliness">visually spotless</a> as opposed to just <a href="/title/Adventures+in+the+men%2527s+bathroom+%253A+A+female+perspective">functionally clean</a>, apply a lot of pressure to the dish with the sponge.
<li>You don't need to do dishes right after they get dirty in order to get them clean again later. However, to save time:<!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></ul>…That sweet voice is the means of your coup, and I'm on the retreat (person)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/That+sweet+voice+is+the+means+of+your+coup%252C+and+I%2527m+on+the+retreatjophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2001-10-06T00:49:31Z2001-10-06T00:49:31ZThere are women out there, mostly it's the older ones, the so called <a href="/title/soccer+mom">soccer moms</a>, that speak with their voice's pitched artificially raised an octave higher then normal.<p>
<b>These women are vicious. I serve them daily, I was raised by one, and I meet them everywhere. I can't figure them out, but there is something despairingly off-balance about them</b>.<p>
<b>My mother</b> is one. She calls the <a href="/title/Domino%2527s+Pizza">pizza place</a> and says, "HI :) I'd :) like :) to :) place :) an :) order :) please :)." Moments later she is drilling the <a href="/title/sap">sap</a> about price breaks and free drinks and coupon expiration dates. At the end of a session she has usually saved $8, and stripped the clerk of his <a href="/title/mojo">mojo</a> for the night.<p>
I have a great deal of experience with the <b>women who I run through the checkout counter</b> at the local <a href="/title/Office+Max">office supply store</a>. Getting this job taught me that my mother is merely one of a fleet of women like her. If they wanted to, they could bitch their way to the<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Kleenex Conspiracy Theory (idea)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/Kleenex+Conspiracy+Theoryjophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2001-09-29T05:57:00Z2001-09-29T05:57:00Z<p>Or my version, which I call the <a href="/title/Puffs+Plus">Puffs Plus</a> Conspiracy Theory. Have you ever tried wiping your nose with a Puffs Plus brand tissue? If you have, you'll notice that the tissue's <a href="/title/fiber">fibers</a> are very loose. This contributes to <a href="/title/gentle">softness</a>, but it also causes the problem: a lot of the fibers will come undone from the tissue when you wipe with it, and when you <a href="/title/inhale">inhale</a>, you'll take a lot of them in. This puts <a href="/title/alien">foreign objects</a> in your nose, making you want to blow them out. So you reach for your Puffs Plus to blow them out... and you use <b>another tissue!</b></p>school is a drug (idea)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/school+is+a+drugjophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2001-05-18T23:57:12Z2001-05-18T23:57:12Z<a href="/title/School">School</a> is a drug.<p>
You start <a href="/title/small">small</a>. No <a href="/title/homework">homework</a>, <a href="/title/parents">parents</a> pick you up and drop you off.<p>
That's when they get you <a href="/title/addiction">hooked</a>. That's <a href="/title/elementary+school">elementary school</a> and <a href="/title/preschool">preschool</a>.<p>
Then you move on to <a href="/title/middle+school">middle school</a>. Now the teachers are starting to assign you a bit more homework. "The level is just getting a little higher," they say. "We're just turning up the <a href="/title/volume">volume</a>."<p>
Then you hit <a href="/title/junior+high">junior high</a>. Now everyone has gone through the same introduction and they are all hooked in. People start to interact, to try new <a href="/title/variations">variations</a>; they do different things after school and <a href="/title/dress">dress</a> differently. They combine school with other forms of <a href="/title/entertainment">entertainment</a>.<p>
Then you're on to <a href="/title/high+school">high school</a>. Now it's <a href="/title/serious">serious</a>. It's something you can't stop doing. You have to get into the next level, <a href="/title/college">college</a>, so you get even more intense about it. It starts to take over the majority of your life. Maybe not homework exclusively, but everything about school. The interactions, the social games,<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Scriptable Cars (idea)http://everything2.com/user/jop/writeups/Scriptable+Carsjophttp://everything2.com/user/jop2001-05-18T09:20:31Z2001-05-18T09:20:31Z<a href="/title/Imagine">Imagine</a> being able to tell your <a href="/title/car">car</a>:<br><br>
on UNAUTHORIZED_ENTRY {<br>
pager.sendAlphaNum(7165551234, "BREAKIN AT " + gps.getPosition());<br>
stereo.setVolume(stereo.getMaxVolume());<br>
stereo.play(stereo.getSong("Rage Against The Machine", "Take The Power Back"));<br>
onStar.emergency();<br>
}
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or<br>
<br>
script SET_DRIVER_DAVID {<br>
stereo.loadPlaylist("david");<br>
seat.setRecline(seat.DRIVER, 10);<br>
seat.setHeight(seat.DRIVER, 5);<br>
seat.setFirm(seat.DRIVER, true);<br>
interface.setControlDimmer(interface.DIM_CONTROLS);<br>
mirror.setHorizontalAngle(mirror.DRIVER, -30);<br>
mirror.setVerticalAngle(mirror.DRIVER, -5);<br>
mirror.setHorizontalAngle(mirror.PASSENGER, -20);<br>
mirror.setVertcileAngle(mirror.PASSENGER, -5);<br>
}<br>
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<a href="/title/cool+as+hell">Wouldn't that be cool?</a><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…