i thought about you dying last night

though i had no reason to, it felt

inevitable

 

how you would break the news to me

how inadequately i would try to

console

 

messages of pain, a slow withering away

becoming a shadow of yourself

to fade

 

and in that moment

as the rise and fall

of my aching heart shook my soul

 

though you weren't even dead

it felt cold, hollow, dreadful

as if you were haunting me

taunting me

could i have ever had you in the first place?

 

ghosts of memories long past

pieces to a puzzle

but when i fit the last piece in

the face isn't mine

 

are you the cold shiver in my heart,

as much as you are the fire that fuels my soul?

 

there are worries and doubts

they seep through the mind

become trapped in its crevasses

sometimes you just have to wring your mind out

right?

 

i have no reason to think you are dying

i have no reason to feel this way

but it haunts all the same

 

i hope you understand the way i feel

i hope that this is really a dream

i hope you'll be home soon

 

time ticks down

down

down

down.

morbid thoughts to mask my fears

drip

drip

drip.

they seep through the mind

down

down

down.

receptors transmit the worst of lies

drip

drip

drip.

and my heart is forever scarred

 

fuck okay

i'm sorry it's just

i love you

please don't go

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