With the invasion from the elven dimension now in full swing, there are things the normal, top dollar earning human needs to be aware of in order to avoid being wiped out along with the poor and the lesser humans. There are many, many steps you can take but the easiest may be to keep your eyes out for signs of something spooky appearing in your tea.

What do I, as a person with strong financial standing in the community, need to do?

Well, if you do have enough earning ability to justify your continued existence in a greatly improved world, what you need to do is to be aware. This awareness takes the form of sniffing various teas in their natural habitats. If you are not sniffing at a variety of teas every day, and if you drink tea, then you are at a high risk of finding something spooky in your tea.

How many teas can I sniff at in a twenty-four hour period?

This may be a crucial question and one you need to ask yourself. Look inward for the answers to this important and pertinent question. Bless you.

When I sniff at these teas, what am I looking for exactly?

You'll know when you smell it. 

Do I need to open the box or can I smell the box from the outside?

This is a matter of personal preference. It also depends on how cute your sense of smell is. The more cute a sense of smell you have, the easier time you'll have sniffing at tea. You will pick up different scents, some of which may not be natural for tea to have. That is when you know you are on to something and that you have developed (finally) a marketable skill. That would be a big step for you, wouldn't it? To have a marketable skill? Something to think about for yourself moving forward.

After the tea is made, do I still need to sniff at it? What if I burn my nose because the water is so hot?

Excellent questions. Thank you for stating your follow-up question in advance. The thing about elves is that they will put a lot of spooky things in your tea whenever they get the chance. So, keep sniffing at that tea, no matter what is going on around you. Maybe you are having thrusting style sexing. Maybe you are at your aunt's for Christmas. Maybe you just found out your cousin got hit by a car. Keep sniffing the tea. Do not look away. The elves are here and they are violent. If you burn your nose sniffing at the tea, adjust the distance between your nose and the water that the tea is in while it is hot. Despite what advertising tells us, people with whipped cream and third degree burns on their noses are not appealing.

Will doing this "turn me gay?"

There is absolutely no connection between sniffing at tea during an elven invasion and sexual preference.

I drink herbal tea. Do I still need to sniff at it?


If I miss it on the sniffing, will I be able to identify it by taste before consuming enough to kill me?

This is a pondering question. It is one to ponder. There is a taste to it when something spooky is present in your tea, but it may be unfamiliar to you because it involves elven meadow magic. If you taste something "different" in your tea, something you feel doesn't belong there, put down the cup and have a look at the box the tea came in. See if they changed their processes recently. If they haven't, call poison control and tell them, "Just drank some tea. Something spooky in it." They will help you keep calm and will ask how much tea you drank and what your body weight is. Hopefully they will get there in time.

What if I begin enjoying sniffing at teas so much that I evolve into a kind of dog person where I always find myself sniffing at everything, including butts?

This would indicate that you had some untreated emotional problems long before you started sniffing at various teas. Please take some time off, drive to the Grand Canyon, and drive over the edge into it. You don't belong here.

What if I am unable to contact a poison control center or ambulance due to the lateness of hour and it being 1940s Kansas?

You can "let" your own stomach out if you have something spooky in there that was transfered directly from a cup of tea that had been insufficiently sniffed at. This involves getting a knife with a sharp blade, although with a less than sharp blade you can saw the absolute fuck out of your guts and get the same results. You cut directly into the stomach in three places, and then sever the large intestine in six places before sticking the small intenstine in a wood chipper. This will take care of the spookiness that was transferred and for which you are unable to get rescued from.

Is there any update on the hundreds of dead noders at the failed community of Everything, Kansas? Will the bodies ever be returned to the families?

This is an off-topic question and I will not answer it here. I believe everything2.com brand website management is dealing with this through the territorial government of the Kansas-Nebraska Territories.

I was told they were going to make a "Lost" type show about Everything, Kansas where some modern noders go there to investigate.

You need to redirect these questions to site management. This is not what this writeup is about. Please, sit down.

Do you think it is true what Justin Trudeau said about people underestimating the elven invasion because movies like Ghostbusters and Elf have given people a false sense of security?

I think there can definitely be an argument made there.

How aware do we really need to be about something spooky appearing in our teas?

This is the thing. You need to be very aware, very concerned, and highly vigilant. This is the first sign that the elves have FULLY breached our dimension. When the spooky appears in the tea, the point of no return has been reached. So, I advise everyone to keep sniffing at as many teas as they can. Help your neighbors out. Get into their homes and sniff their teas for them. Tell them about the spooky that may be present in it and about your vigilance.

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