Full of [anxiety] on a low level today - and let's face it, have been for quite some time. Since [integration], to be precise. How do you [homo sapiens|normals] deal with it? I hate it, it's stupid beyond belief. I have nothing, nothing, nothing to be anxious about!

Sigh. It gets better when I am busy, cause I'm too busy to notice it. And when I [exercise] in some format, but especially [yoga] makes it go away for a while. It's non-specific, and very low level. But it is annoying to have this [anxiety] just hover about on little wings, buzzing in my ears and my brain.

I went to an [orthopedic] [surgeon] today about my knees. He referred me to a sports [specialist] and microsurgery (I can't spell the other word he actually used, much less pronounce it) looks very [plausible]. I feel very horrible about it though, because I've been in worse pain in my life and didn't have surgery then. Of course, I've done my bit as my previous doctor asked - lost weight and gained leg strength, so surgery is a good idea now. I didn't realize my kneecaps were actually grating against bone when I go up stairs. Now I understand why it hurts.

Congratulations [TheBooBooKitty] on your birthday. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, am feeling kind of sad today, sort of blah, I don't really know why. I do know that I have stopped journaling as much as I was, primarily due to two factors: I've become insanely busy at work so the hour I used to futz around on E2 is gone and second, I know too many people IRL on E2 and don't want to put them in here, etc., etc., etc. Just remember, kiddies, [Why noding about your personal life can be a bad idea|noding about your life on E2 is not always the bestest thing in the whole wide world to do].

I had a wierd experience last night - I didn't know how to handle it. One of my dearest friends, my ex-boyfriend, M. has lost one of his friends - they had a major falling out a few months ago. She and I are friends too, and last night all three of us were together at a [Tragic: The Garnering|gathering]. He asked her for a moment of her time - trying to make up with her for the fourth or fifth time (that's right, he just wasn't getting that it was over) and she brushed by him and said no. She just left, ignored his pleas and got out. I was right there - had no idea what to do, it was none of my business of course, so I actually ducked in a [bathroom] to hide. I came out a minute later and both were gone. Whew! I felt so bad. I had to drive her home (it was prearranged) and we said nothing on the whole ride home. I called him when I dropped her off to see how he was doing. He was fine, he said. It felt awful to watch one of my closest friends get slapped like that - even if he did ask for it.

[Drive-by downvoting] - thank you dear!!

August 3, 2001