At 6:30am this morning, I woke up. I was lying on my back, with my mouth wide open, with the ceiling fan blowing on me. An odd position for me -- I usually sleep on my side. After pondering this for a moment, I made a big fucking mistake.

I swallowed. And nearly choked to death on my own bone-dry swollen left tonsil.

After my eyes finished bulging out of their sockets and the sharp pains subsided and I somehow managed to avoid gagging on my own damn tonsil, I made a mad dash to the kitchen for water, not bothering to put any pants on first (at this point I could've cared less if my roommates saw me running around pantsless). I painfully gulped down several cups of water in a vain attempt to re-wet my dried up tonsil.

The majority of the pain subsided after a few hours, but my throat is still sore and unhappy. Ugh.