Light as a feather, locked as a bathroom door.
Is it okay that I really don't want anyone touching me right now? Hummmph. I mean, I'm fine, I feel great....it's not that. It's just.....
Tomorrow. That will be an interesting day. Kash and I driving up to Jacksonville to pick up Jake from the station. He's supposed to be here at least four months, and I'm really glad he'll be here. Kash and I are going to support him for a bit, (actually, she's outta a job, so that will fall on me a bit....thus why I am giving up my comfy job for something that 1- pays better, 2-is in my area of expertise and 3- gives me my weekends back.) Anxiety sucks, I really think it's the worse possible thing for somebody's health, so......I have no problem helping a friend out.
Thor leaves for Montana Thursday...he'll only be gone 2 months, but I'm really gonna miss him. I don't feel crazy when I talk to him, I can't say that much about many people.
We had a wild ass party Saturday...all I know is I locked some dude in a closet...still don't know his name....something really freaky happened....somebody got too excited and bit my lip....and I have bruises ALL OVER my body. For the first time in my life, I was so drunk I do not remember half the night. We have a really BIG party to hit tomorrow night after we pick Jacob up. Yeehaw!
Ummm. Taking a break from Scott. It really is too much too soon, and he and I have a lot going on right now. I meant everything I told him, and I actually believe him. But....I really am diggin' doing things my own way. I like being alone, so sue me. Always was a bit freedom hungry.....and all of this shit has happened way too quickly....and even though I believe about 50% of what he tells me....that's just because he is who he is...and he's never given me a reason not to believe him. But I really don't want to bite off all of this at this time. I need time, and I dare say he needs time too. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen.....so I ain't stressin. Maybe a little faith, I guess. Worst case scenario, I have my friend back and that goddamn cycle of the last 6 years is finally broken. I can't complain.
Finally told the in-laws my schedule. They understand. I really wanna stick around for my dad, y'know? My classes let out in May, so I can be out there the first week of June....I can't wait for my classes! The only thing I have to do now is buy my helmet, my gloves.......eventually I'll get my own equipment....my own torch will be a pretty penny, yet another reason for the new job. But I'm finally getting what I wanted, and I'm doing it all by myself.
I am freaked by the condition my father is settling into. I've just lost so many damn people over the last few years, death, separation, too many differences......I am getting really angry. Like, why now? Why all of this now? Did it really have to all happen over the course of three years? What are the Fates doing to those goddamn strings? Cutting them all the same lengths? I just hope he gets to see me finish school, that's all he ever wanted y'know. Most daddies wanna see their baby girls in good hands, married and such. Mine knows my own hands are just fine, he just wants to see me finish this quest.
And I will, Daddy. Damn't, I will.