This is the original Time Control program that has helped thousands to fear no longer the STARK FIST of REMOVAL.

Become PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE -- overnight!

Now you, too, can speak to benevolent aliens at the Alter of X-ist Contact. Learn Frame Straightening, Body Repair, Gripe Elaboration, FunKQu, Frenzy Techniques, Excremeditation, the Essentials of Survival and TIME CONTROL. Attend End O' The World Drills and Chance Labs. Learn to 'Tenlike. Evaluate the so-called "accidents" and "coincidences" in your timestream. Perform long, complicated rites of initiation and rituals of Communionication. Accullate yourself to the Church, where you will be isolated, given a new diet, a new set of habits, and an altered label and appearance. The new void in your bran-pan will be refilled with corrected info and subconsciously implanted ritual experiences. Follow your FOLLIES and COMPULSIONS and become rich like us.
Explore the "Zen" of stupidity! Channel chronic procrastination into life-saving paranoia and precise anatityl MAKE WASTE!!
Find out who your Personal Saviors may be and who are the False Prophets in your life!


SEE ANOTHER DIMENSION ON YOUR TV

"Bob's" promise is to widen the scope and nature of abnormal behavior...to explore NEW WAYS of going over the edge and coming back. PLUS to bring back those who couldn't on their own...to help you create the HIGHEST POSSIBLE EARNINGS from the PSYCHODYMANICS of ABNORMALITY... to turn Conspiracy-implanted personality disorders AROUND and channel them into an ILLUSION OF CREATIVITY that will fool normals and GET YOU SEX!
Sources:

  • http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet_p2.html
  • http://www.modemac.com/page4.html