Tonight, I have finished reading Siddhartha. Having barely read more than thirty pages, I lay in bed hoping this book could lead me somewhere. I hoped it was the sort of book that could show me a path I can trod on. I read the pages, in-between the Smiths and Radiohead listening sessions, thinking the end would bring me closer to knowledge, to truth.
While I'm unable to say that this book is going to change my life, I think it can be said that a piece of Hesse's words will linger in me. I cannot say I will follow Siddhartha's journey. It seems as though it would be a disgrace, as if I was Govinda - the true friend unable to find attainment in old age. Though, of course, maybe Hesse's desire was for me to take his love, his offering into my heart so that I am able to see the "light". Or, perhaps, he is cunning and setting me on the same path - while I foolishly believe I am off onto very distinct travels all my own. I don't know.
What I do know, however, is that this book brings me to a better acceptance of the world. It is not contentment, nor love, nor happiness. It only an acceptance. This may be something very different from what others have experienced reading the book, or maybe it is the same, but it is what I feel. It has always seemed as if a struggle has ensued in all of my stupid, teenage years over hope. The hope has always remained in the face of all unreasonable situations, unreasonable dreams. My ideals has become eroded, of course, but it is always there - sometimes watching me, head tipped back, in laughter or cunning or satisfaction. And I've always covered this feeling, which could be stated in simple terms understood by my peers - whom I often feel alienated from, with my big words and "artful" calmness - with a few awful blunders along the way, as well.
But this, this book has made me accept. It may only be for tonight. Dreams may make me forget. It may only last a month, or maybe for an entire year or for my entire life. But it has made an impact, and I think that - maybe - it can do a lot for others. Those who may be more intelligent (or more stupid, I don't know) may find a deeper meaning and a deeper significance, but for those seeking for a possibility, a good insight - Hesse is very much capable at, hopefully, helping you.