I almost couldn’t believe it. Real life couldn’t possibly this cliché. It was a dark and stormy night and I was reading a good book, sipping cognac and puffing Cuban cigars I had received from a friend. This is code for watching television while eating cold leftover pizza I got for free from a friend and trying to read my macro-economy book for my test on the day after.
I heard a knock. I waited. You can’t just get up and immediately answer the door; it makes it look as though you are a desperate loser
with nothing to do who has watched The Girl Next Door once too often. But there she was.
She was beautiful.
She was wet.
She was crying.
Crap. So much for idle fantasy.
What could I do?
“Hey, you okay? Here, get inside out of the rain.”
“I’d rather stay out here, I haven’t got much time.”
Her voice was surprising clear. Their was none of that after/during crying stuttering that usually afflicted me and overly dramatic people in movies.
“Okay… Hi, I’m Anthony… do you need some help?”
“I know you don’t know me okay. It’s just that my friend always said you were a nice guy and I couldn’t think of anyone else to go to. My boyfriend’s dad’s cousin’s boss is going to blow up the world. I was like OMG and I freaked out and started crying and just needed someone to help me. Sorry for crying, I’m a mess. But you’re the only one I can think of.”
I wanted her.
I was listening but it took a while for it to sink in.
“Excuse me? Blow up the world? Your boyfriend’s sister’s friend’s dad is going to blow up the world?”
“It’s my boyfriend’s dad’s cousin’s boss and I’m not kidding. I know this just sounds so totally ridiculous but it’s the truth. Really, I’m serious.”
I looked her straight in the eyes. God she was beautiful. And what could I do? I hugged her, held her at arms length and said “I only save the world on Tuesdays.” And I let her go, walked inside, closed the door and turned off the porch light. I could see her standing on the porch, waiting. I made it all the way into the kitchen before she started walking away. Then I saw the clock, it was 12:15. Damn.
And I had a thought.
I walked back to the door, opened it and yelled “Hey!”
And she turned around, started walking back and shouted “What? Did you change your mind?”
“No. What’s your name?”
“Now we’re on even footing.”
And I closed the door again.
Moral- I failed my Econ test. It was on a Thursday.
If you keep calling yourself stupid, it just might come true.