I feel fickle for being this concerned about my finances, but losing my job will kick my pride's sorry ass. I wish I could hit the fast-forward button on life to get past these next couple of months (except for the party), but the damn thing's broken. Because of overestimated sales and recent cancellations Liebert has now had two layoffs and will likely have a third in the near future. I've already seen most of my friends walk out the door. Having a name would help, but Emerson accepted me for who I am, and gave me a number based on the time I joined...

-"Hi, I'm 8222. What's your name?"

-"I was 8605... now I'm Bob again thanks to Emerson!"

The first layoff we were told about a week in advance giving me plenty of time to devour my stomach lining. I came in on a Monday, while 16 guys I've worked with were being escorted out to a meeting... I was waiting for them to ask me to join them. Around 360 people lost their jobs that day. At least they were paid for eight hours for being there. I was relieved, but pretty unhappy.

I knew the second layoff was going to happen at the beginning of the day it did. My boss said there was little to do so we would work for four hours, and clean for four. I asked him for a vacation day, but he would not let me... this is really unusual when we have as little work as we do. I thought maybe he was just trying to butt heads with me to see how I would react until he gave me a pat on the shoulder with a stressed look on his face. I was fuming... they were going to let the people they were about to let go, work and clean, and then send them out the door. If I was anymore sure of what was going to occur, and if I had any courage, I would have confronted him... I just sat there feeling ill. My old boss confirmed it a few hours later. This time I felt no better after I found I wasn't laid off.

If they're gonna get me, I'd just assume get it over with. I usually feel fine, but then someone starts a rumor and I lose it again. I'm tired of being afraid. This is where you're supposed to call me a sis and tell me to get over it. Thanks... I feel better.