I'm about to go crazy, I swear. I feel so trapped, like I'm about to suffocate because I'm in the midst of all these rules and controls that surround all aspects of life. I'm even physically trapped--I'm in a world of horizontal and vertical, in a body with its needs and desires and emotions. Time contstrains me as well. I don't have to go to work today which is a good thing and a bad thing. Bad because it means I'm more likely to be bored and good because I don't have to run around like a machine all day. Work bores me as well and for me, apparently, boredom leads to the weirdest ideas. When I'm at work I begin the think like that character in Breakfast of Champions who calls is son a cocksucking machine. I am a machine more or less akin to the cash register, I am a machine that turns merchandise into money. To the hundreds of people I see at work each day, I am a means to an end, but I am not alone. Everyone else, no matter what they are doing it seems, is being viewed as either a tool or obstacle for someone else and everyone is so seperated from each other. This makes me sad, but there is no other choice. The flesh has its needs and the mind its wants so we have no choice but to keep using each other for our own benefit, and the pain that is in our lives is caused by the prison of meat that we inhabit.