Hint: it's sarcasm!



Boys may be made of snips, snails and all the rest, and girls may very well be made of sugar, spice, and other things nice. But none of that changes the fact that boys are simply better than girls. We all know this, and it hardly needs clarification or fortification. The superiority of the male gender is so obvious that the converse is difficult even to consider. Enunciating some of the differences can be a helpful exercise though, as it provides for a firm philosophical footing in case some gross girl ever suggests that perhaps they are better. The proper response to such an encounter is, of course, to throw rocks at them until they run away. However, if you or your party feels up to arguing the point verbally, there are ways to win.

First, it is extremely important to understand that there is no greater difference between anything in the world than between boys and girls. A wall of snips, snails, and Y chromosomes separates us, and nothing will ever bring us together. Girls could never understand the glorious world of adventure and daring that boys inhabit. Of Space Ninjas and destruct-o-blasters, army guys and jumping off of two-story buildings with an umbrella for a parachute. You are born to one world or another. You are either born a dumb, boring girl, or are born a boy and marked as a member of the overlords of the universe. There are no trading places, and there is no in-between. It is black and white. One extreme or the other.

Boys are just funner than girls. While girls are off combing each other's hair or whatever, boys are running trough the woods playing Space Ninjas with a fully armed blast-o-tron. Yelling, hiding, shooting each other with water guns specially enhanced with super-quantum-explosive technology. Perhaps it has something to do with the sort of toys we get. Boys receive cool stuff like trucks and Space Ninja action figures and hideous examples of Nerf technology. Boys get toys of power and force: military hardware, invincible machines, and powerful men. Nothing can stop us, and likewise, nothing can stop our toys. Walking down a toy isle of a major department store, you can bask in the exhilaration of being surrounded by an endless sea of blue boxes and molded plastic. The mass of bright pink receding into the distance is a boundary. There is nothing interesting over there. Boys play with Legos and GI Joes and footballs and swords and Micro Machines and the endless line of glorious Space Ninja products. It's not just that we have better toy designers working for us, boys just know how to have fun.

Girls play with dolls and doll houses and doll cars and doll cloths. It seems like everything is for dolls. They don't play with cool stuff like weapons or machines; they play with fake ironing boards and fake ovens and minivans. Girl's toys are just boring, which helps explain why they're so boring too. Where boys focus on power, girls focus on beauty. They play dress-up and put on makeup and play in costumes. They play with Barbies and skip rope and giggle with each other. Obviously, nothing that even hints at fun. There are no cool girl toys, but I doubt they would do anything cool with them anyway. Contemporary sociologists like to point out that girls toys train females into lives of domesticity. They teach them to be mothers and housewives... How fun could that possibly be?

Boy's games are cooler too. We race and fight and conceal and search. Our games are about competition, daring, and destruct-o-blasters. Boys never play alone, and they usually have big groups to do cool stuff with. Like reenacting the crusades with modern water weaponry. Rotten vegetable fights. Icicle dagger fights. Throwing rocks at girls. Evading babysitters. Army guys. Snipe huts. Capture-the-flag. Climbing trees. Black walnut fights. The fun simply never ends. Boys play for keeps. They play for real, and they play hard. There are winners and losers, and very little middle ground. The stakes are high, and blood and adrenaline flows. In our games, we use everything. Every toy, every space, every idea we can think of. And if we don't have it at our fingertips, we make it up on the spot. Transmogrification forcefields (if you cross it, you turn into a frog). Super-plasma-explosive-bombs (capable of leveling an entire city if the buttons are pressed in the right order). Time-stopper-blast-o-tron (better not get zapped, or you'll be frozen forever). Laser crossbows (laser crossbows?). And, of course, the ubiquitous super-destruct-o-ray.

Girls are nowhere nearly as interesting. They play stupid games like hopscotch and they never play for keeps. They think that everyone can have a chance to win, as if that's the way things work in the real world. They play "house" and play with dolls and they never incorporate advanced alien weapons technology. Girls do boring stuff like puppet shows and drawing and they only play with one or two other girls at a time. They get permission from their parents, and they never break rules. Everyone knows that the only way to have any real fun is to break rules. Girls sit around home having tea parties and combing their hair or whatever. Their games are just boring and dumb, simple as that.

Girls are not objects of scorn, or so subordinate to us boys that they don't deserve some respect. But the degree of separation is so vast, and our superiority so obvious, that avoidance is probably the best course of action in dealing with them. They will never understand the excitement and adventure that goes into being a boy, and we can only reflect in shock and horror at the pathetic world they live in. The lame toys; the uninteresting, polite games; the cleanliness; the pink; and the ruffles. Obviously, the separation is a just one and a correct one. Our worlds are tailored to us, and suite our separate spirits. The Terra Animus is a superior world of fun and daring, while the Terra Anima is a boring, quite world of housework and pink clothing. We have no pity for who they are, only pride for who we are.

Another addition to the Noding things you've written before crusade.
This was written for a stupid English class. I speak English. Why do I need to take a class in it?!