Return to October 10, 2000 (thing)

It was the start of my second day without alcohol in my system.

I have managed to screw up several relationships in the past few months, all the girls said that i drank too much. I work part time in a bar and this is not good.

Around 5pm the shakes were to much to handle, especially with the stress of all business, I had two beers to settle down and concentrate better on my work. So far, so good.

At Midnight I arrive home and watch a movie and settle into bed. Time passes. Darkness. I am still awake. Everything seems like a blur. I fear bedtime because of the nightmares and the recurring dreams. I fear conscienceness because of the stress and pressure of daily life. A couple drinks makes me feel fine but only temporarily, I know later on it'll do more harm than good. The girls I meet and hangout with encourage it but the ones I want to be with discourage it and have since left.

As I laid down about ready to drift off into unconscienceness, I felt good knowing that even though i failed today, at least I didn't get hammered and that the next morning would be one where I remembered most of what happened the night before.
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