The comb-over is the result of an attempt at obfuscating the fact
that one is without noggin hair. It is an "arrangement" of head
hair found on a portion of balding males. Typical candidates are managers
and professors. Part of its creation entails growing ones remaining
head hair until it is of sufficient length to cover the bald parts (usually
the top of the head). The process also requires parting the hair a risky distance
below the normal latitude, sometimes as far as under the ears.
Instructions:
NOTE: Follow these instructions at your own risk. By performing these
steps, you are forfeiting the option of acquiring a wig, toupee
or other entry level hair loss obfuscation mechanism. This technique is
only recommended to experienced balding males in denial, due to the great
risk of silent public ridicule. There are as yet no documented situations
where a balding female has successfully attempted the comb-over, or even dared
to.
Required:
- A lack of hair on ones head
- An abundance of hair below that area. (It is recommended that head hair
be used as it was designed for the purpose. Chest, back, under arm, beard,
nose, ear, pubic, leg and other unlisted hair or hair-like material is typically
not suitable for combing over ones head).
- A comb, brush or some other hair partitioning device.
- A mirror, or a developed sense of spatial awareness
Steps:
- Take the comb, brush or device by the most appropriate end, if there is
one.
- Apply pressure with the pronged side to the desired location of the parting,
making sure there is sufficient hair above that location to cover the target
baldness
- Follow the curvature of head with the comb, moving hair upwards and then
over the head
- Repeat until personal denial is convinced that baldness is no longer apparent.