Return to August 16, 2012 (log)

Twenty six year anniversary of marriage today. Considering my foul mood yesterday, mostly due to being on the phone on and off all day with The Office of Enrollment Services and The Financial Aid Office of People Who Had No Clue What They Were Doing at my younger son's university, then talking with his major advisor, who commiserated but has no power, then being on hold with the State of New Jersey Higher Education Student Assistance Authority Grants and Scholarships and getting nowhere there either; I was not happy. Every person either sent me to someone else or to a recording or a busy signal. Every piece of mail we had received in the last two weeks contradicted each other and the advice to "just go online, it's all there" was not true or helpful. Just trying to get the last of five offspring through college, good-golly-miss-molly. It's fortunate that I did not have access to the firearms collection of Kevin Bacon from my confusing write-up.


So, I decided sometime during the night, I was putting way more effort into this process than my son who blithely left the house and said, "see you in the morning". I had one of those flashbacks before you die of all the things I've sacrificed and done as a mother, only I didn't die. Instead I consciously made the decision to just let the universe rip. This may not sound like A BIG DEAL to some or most of you, but it was for me. I have been trying to save the world since I was six, starting with my family of origin, who, with the exception of my mother got tossed to the universe as well.


So, this morning's weather was cool, coffee tasted out-of-this-world-good, plus I was no longer having vertigo. Decided to finish the rust garden as a gift to my husband for sticking with me for this long. As I lugged some of the larger rusty grids and old iron fence posts, I realized I never told him prior to our marriage that this was a "hobby" of mine. I was determined to include every rusty item, which as I unearthed them from the pile, I began remembering where each one was from. Camping trips, the shore, my lone walks around the neighborhood, the barn on the property I once worked at and where my daughter and her family now live, my mother's backyard. I weeded and pruned and planted, finding several spiders, a few ladybugs, and two crickets. The sun felt good and it was immensely satisfying.


As an added touch, just for tonight I placed 26 tea lights in the shelter of rusted things. I came inside and told my husband I had just made something for him for our anniversary, but that he couldn't see it until dusk, and that his reaction would affect the next 26 years, but no pressure. He laughed and said, "I think it's amazing we lasted this long."

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