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Wandering about with keys dangling from an oversized shoelace around your neck (idea)
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(
idea
)
by
moJoe
Wed Jul 19 2000 at 22:40:31
This new trend has come to a head with me this morning. Ranking in stupidity right up there with
capri pants
and
pink tee-shirts
, I find this practice confusing and disturbing.
The only reason I can see for
wearing your keys around your neck
is if you lack the
cognitive ability
to keep track of them, thus it is rather something that I would expect to see a person afflicted with
downs syndrome
wearing and not a member of the
The Wretched Spearsean Army of Idiocy
.
*
This morning I walked into
Coffee People
to get my traditional and much needed
double iced Black Tiger mocha with whipped cream
when I spot a goofy looking 16-year-old girl wearing a
pink tee shirt
,
high waters
, so much base that her face was 6 shades lighter than her arms and a big blue shoelace around her neck. It wasn't so much the caked on make-up, or the way her head kept bobbing and swaying. It wasn't the way she kept making these bizarre
clicking noises
or that she said "like" 23 times while ordering her drink. It was that big fucking blue shoelace with the words "
Backstreet Boys
" on it over and over again and the gigantic wad of key chains and 2 keys that were hanging from it. I was nearly moved to violence;
berserker fantasies
of me yanking the abomination from around her neck and
dashing her head in with the 14 pound glob of plastic Hello-Kitty key chains
at the end of it danced behind my murderously glazed over eyes.
How can she go to school and
persecute
the geeky kids for their ever-so-horrid fashion sense while she's sporting
a big blue shoelace
around her neck like forgetful
special Ed. kid
?
Is this a complete no-brainer or am I imagining things? What's next;
decorative shatterproof safety goggles
?
*
*
This is in no way meant to belittle the
handicapped
community; only to point out the unusual and seemingly incompatible origin of modern adolescent fashion. Excuse me, I am headed over to the patent office to submit my design for the
N'Sync Crash Helmet
.
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