After eighteen long years of abject futility, the Curse of Colonel Sanders
appears to have been broken. This year (2003
), the Hanshin Tigers
at long last returned to glory by winning the Central League
title and the Dotonbori
River once again was awash with joyous and insane Tigers fans (insane because the Dotonbori is a filthy concrete-lined canal filled with trash, mud, and discarded bicyles, and high in heavy metals
and e coli
from industrial dumping).
For years Tigers fans everywhere had rued the fateful day that the Colonel's effigy had been unceremoniously dumped in the Dotonbori, never to be seen again. Clearly, the Colonel's spirit was incensed by this show of disrespect, and used the mighty powers he once wielded to create his potent "Original Recipe" chicken to reach beyond the grave and ensure that the Tigers would never again win anything from anybody. Over the years several expeditions were mounted to dredge the river for the Colonel's statue, but it was never found. Meanwhile, Tigers fans began making offerings at the Colonel's statue at the KFC branch in Koshien Stadium, now securely chained in place to prevent future mishaps.
Perhaps after eighteen years, the Colonel's cruel heart has finally been softened by the countless offerings and fervent prayers of the Tigers faithful. Or perhaps he has been appeased by the growing success of his fast food empire in Japan. Or maybe the Colonel has been only temporarily distracted from his interminable grudge by the recent arrival of Wendy's founder and archenemy Dave Thomas in his dark domain. Will the Tigers' victory this year mark a return to the glory days of old and a new dynasty of Tigers greatness, or will the insideous spirit of Sanders renew his vile machinations to return the Tigers to the celler of the Central League?
Only time will tell.